Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Snow Day/Sick Day

Happy snow day! The Boy was impressed with the snow coming down yesterday.

 Until he got cold and wet, and then he was DONE. Over it. Then we played and watched from inside, which was fine by me. We were lucky not to have any of the traffic/day care/stranded motorist problems that many of our friends in Coldlanta had. It took some of our friends and family over 24 hours to get home. Yikes! 


A stranger came by to ask about my father-in-law's old truck that stays parked outside our house. He asked if he could walk around the back of the house to look at it. Sure. When he walked away The Boy looked at me disappointedly and said "why I didn't say 'nice to meet you'?" We flagged him down before he left. The Boy stuck out his hand and said "nice to meet you," proudly. The stranger tried to keep a straight face while shaking hands with The Boy. I think both were happy with the exchange. 



When The Husband got home he took The Boy out again. I promise you there is nothing sexier than watching your husband play with your child. Must be some primal survival mating instinct....Tricky biology. 

Toddler boot for reference. Drain stopper as hat. 




This morning The Husband had to go back to work, to my disproval. I cancelled my clients because of the weather. The Boy and I made a cake. We made brownies. We made snow ice cream.  I developed a bad headache mid-morning but The Boy and I were trapped at home in the snow and ice. I tried to talk him into just lying on the couch watching PBS all day, but that didn't last long. Boy wants to PLAY. Mama wants to rest. He pulled his bat cave over to the couch so I could reach it from my nest to play with him. We played. He napped. I napped. 



The Boy wanted a snack. I got him one and laid back down on the couch. He asked for milk. I fixed him some and laid back down. He wanted more bunny crackers. I fixed him some bad laid back down.  He wanted more milk. I got him a refill and laid back down. He asked for snow ice cream. I got him some and laid back down. He told me his nose was running, and I wiped it and laid back down. The Boy does not yet appreciate efficiency. He asked for more bunny crackers, and I responded "if you can reach them you can have them!" 

I got up to help him and still had a blanket around my shoulders. He laughed. "Mama you wook wike a murrrmaid!" Thanks. 

He played his drum for me. He played his xylophone. Then his elephant played. He put his toy box on his head and pretended to be a robot. I lied on the couch. 




He put stickers on my face and a bucket on my head. I just lied there. 



Lesson #1 of the day: being at home on a snow day is more work than going to work. Lesson #2: you can get away with anything when mommy has a headache. 








Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Lucky Dog

Tonight it was getting dark and I was cooking dinner, waiting on The Husband to get home. The Boy was in the kitchen, dancing in circles and talking. He's in a very chatty phase right now. We had his 2.5 year checkup today, and I had to fill out one of the developmental questionnaires. There was a question that said "does he talk about the same as his peers?" I resisted the urge to write in "I don't think he gives his peers a chance to talk." If he does, they are all probably talking at once.

So we're just doing our thing, when someone knocked on the door. The Boy said "Daddy's home!" excitedly, as I looked outside. "Not unless your dad is a 20 something male model wearing a 90s Mexican poncho" I thought. I scooped up The Boy and opened the door to Poncho Man, suspiciously. It was getting dark and I didn't know what he wanted.



Poncho Villa: Is this your dog?
Oh no! Prissy must've gotten out of the fence.
Me: Probably. Did she get out?
Poncho Villa (points toward the road): She just got hit.

A surge of emotion got stuck in my throat. Priss! I've had her for more than 8 years. The Husband gave her to me for my birthday my first year out of college, when I was working and living in an apartment a la Queen Latifah in Living Single. She's now tinged with grey, and walks slowly on the stairs. She's not the smartest, but she is the sweetest. She tolerates a lot from The Boy, and he loves her so. Poncho Villa explained that the car hadn't stopped, but that he'd seen it and stopped to let us know. I tried not to cry as I walked outside to survey the situation.



There was a woman outside, sobbing. It was still light out, but a full moon hung in the pink sky. Poncho Villa called out to her sternly, "Don't try to touch it! She already tried to bite me!" Oh no. Oh no. This sounded bad. I debated whether to take The Boy inside, but I didn't want to leave him alone. Though he's clearly my favorite, I couldn't leave either of my loves.

We rounded the corner to the front yard. I was preparing for heartache. There lie a little cocker spaniel, clearly in pain. You'll notice Prissy is a beagle. I'd be lying if I said I weren't a little relieved. It wasn't Priss! Now that I think of it, I did remember us putting her safely in her crate when she tried to eat The Boy's popcorn earlier. Thank God!

I breathed a sigh of relief. The Boy asked "what's wrong with dat dog?" I explained that he was hurt, and we weren't going to touch him. The dog wasn't using his back legs, he was dragging himself pitifully with his front legs, and clearly feeling threatened when approached. Bless him. I weighed the effects of The Boy witnessing all this and possibly being traumatized. The Sobbing Lady tried to get closer and the dog growled, barked, and snapped at her. Poncho Villa snapped at her too. She sobbed. I held The Boy tight and retreated into the garage.

These people were kind. I told them I didn't know who the beautiful dog belonged to. Poncho Villa asked if I could call animal control, and then he walked off toward the neighbor's house. The Sobbing Lady stood in the yard and sobbed. I called, but no one answered since it was after 5:00. By the time I got outside, Poncho Villa had made it door-to-door down the street.

He and a man in a flannel shirt who looked like his name was Dwight were walking back to our house. It was Dwight's dog. I came in to get a leash. Dwight tried to get close to the dog, but he was retreating into our bushes. Poncho Villa told me he didn't think a leash would help, because the dog couldn't walk. I explained to The Boy that we were trying to be good helpers. I went to fetch some old towels, and delivered them. Poncho Villa shook his head sadly and told me he didn't think the dog would make it. Dwight managed to get the dog wrapped up in the towels and was walking with him home. A crowd of family members waited in the front yard for Dwight and the dog to return. Poncho Villa and The Sobbing Lady stayed until they were gone, we thanked each other, and they left.

After the chaos was over and all my dependents safe and accounted for, I turned my attention to The Boy to make sure he wasn't traumatized. The thought of that happening to Prissy made me tear up.

"Why you crying mama?"
I'm just feeling sad for that little dog who got hurt. It's okay to feel sad, and it's okay to cry. Everyone feels sad sometimes.
Have I mentioned I'm a therapist? 
"That dog better now, mama?"
I don't know, buddy. It was really hurt.
"That dog scared, mama. He sad and he hurt. We don't touch scared dogs."
Right, buddy. When dogs are scared they might bite.
"But when dogs not scared they don't bite!" he said, happily.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
"When I pet Prissy she's not scared and she doesn't bite me!"
Right.
"Dogs are soft."
Yes, buddy.
"And cats are soft."
Yes.
"And horses are soft."
Yes.
"But moo cows are not soft. We don't pet moo cows."
Right....
"Are lions soft, mama?"
I guess so.
"Lions not bite me!"
Well, we don't touch lions.
"Why?"
There aren't any lions near here. They're far away.
"Why lions far away mama?"
I don't know.
"If I go far away and I see a lion I pet it and it will be soft and it won't bite me."
Okay.

So much for having a moment for grieving the dying dog. We are long gone on an African safari petting soft lions. I laughed. At least The Boy wasn't traumatized.

About 30 minutes later there was another knock at the door. I scooped The Boy up and went to the door, suspiciously again. There stood Dwight and a teenager. I said hello.
Dwight said "Hey. It's me. From earlier. With the dog." I told him I remembered him. He came by to tell me thank you, and that the dog was fine. Fine? Yes, ma'am, he's just fine. He was only in shock. I was speechless. I told Dwight the dog was beautiful, and he was on his way.

A few minutes later The Husband got home. I prompted The Boy to "tell daddy what happened tonight." The Boy looked at me and said "What??"

Really? An injured dog, strangers in ponchos, strangers crying, in and out with a leash and towels, a dog on the verge of death who made an alleged recovery in half an hour...... and he's wondering what I'm referring to?

I asked him "Why did those people come to our house?"

His response: "Da dog got hurt, it got hit by a car in de road. Mama feeling a wittle bit sad about it."

The End. Definitely not traumatized.















Thursday, January 9, 2014

A year in Quotes, 2013

Hello, 2014! Goodbye, 2013. You were good to us, '13. The Boy loved Christmas. We accidentally rented our house. We tried unsuccessfully to buy two other houses and then moved into The Husband's grandmother's old house. We hung out with family, we hung out with friends. We got some new family, we got some new friends. I reached 20,000 hits on the blog (WHOA!). The Boy dressed in costumes continually. All pleasant, really. 


Here he is on the bathroom counter as a "Captain American" aka Native American.


Today I was looking for a note on my phone, and I came across another note. In 2013 I started writing down bizarre things that came out of my mouth. Words that I never thought I'd say before I had kids. Things you don't even think you need to make rules about. Sometimes it was things The Husband said. Every time it was removed from its context, written down, forgotten about and later added to.  This is my life now, people. I bring you....

2013 in Quotes

Get your penis off the table

Don't do yoga on the dog please

Don't give daddy's phone a zerbert. 

You can't pet a fish. 

I don't think ducks like spitting. 

Sit up here on the counter to eat your breakfast so the dog doesn't get it. 

Yes, the moth likes your shirt. 

Oops, you pooped on the vent. That's okay. 

Sure you can sleep in your shoes. 

I don't think dogs like mangos. 

Show superman your poopoo. 

Yes, God loves your shoes. 

Girls don't like it when you put flags down their shirts. 

Don't put your finger up my nose please. 

I don't know what giraffes say. 

Get the carrot off your penis. 

Do NOT light saber the alligator AGAIN!

I don't have an elevator in the car. 

Go tell daddy that you laid in syrup

We don't draw on giraffes.

You can't be so rough when you take my head off. 

Just eat it off the floor. 

Do not light saber the dog. 

Pizza doesn't have seeds. That's cheese. Just eat it. 

Kwanza, not conga

There are no monsters in your room. I sprayed them all away. 

Stop that. Who bought you a light saber anyway??!

Leave Priss alone, she needs some "me time". 

Stop spinning please. We don't have time to go the ER tonight. 

Who pooped in these underwear?

The light saber is in time out. 

I don't think there are any doughnut characters in veggie tales. 

No, fish don't take baths. 

Harry Potter doesn't hit.....and if he does, he goes to time out too.