Seven Under Ten

We now have seven kids under ten on our annual beach trip, and my SIL said we've hit a sweet spot with the kids now that they are older. We had no babies this year, no one in diapers, no one who needed to go up for a nap (except for me), and maybe we had fewer meltdowns than in years past. The kids can also hang for longer periods at the beach or the pool, so if we pack some drinks and snacks we can stay out awhile. It was overall a positive trip.

Now that all of our kids are a little older (BeYoYo is the youngest, at 3) it also means other people can take care of them. Our annual beach trip has always been a little bit of a commune experience with everybody pitching in for everybody, but it felt like even more so this year. The cousins want to be together, but sometimes they want to be doing different things. So I'd take one of mine and one of someone else's to the pool, someone else would be at the beach with one of mine and one of theirs, and someone else would have two of theirs and one of someone else's on the way to town. And there was always a body that needed sunscreening, a mouth that needed wiping, and goggles that needed adjusting. You could open a business at the beach just applying sunscreen and adjusting goggles to other people's kids. I'd pay for that.

not her kid

not his kid

not his kid

not his kid

not his kid(s) and uncle Garth is a trooper for doing this all day

not my kid (in fairness, I didn't ask her to stop using her fork as a hairbrush at a restaurant, I just took a picture of it for my own entertainment)

And whenever we're all together, the sisters in law are continually counting children under our breath.  We enjoy each other, so it's one part conversation, one part counting kids, and one part helping the children not hurt each other. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...... yeah, I agree, that one blogger is ridiculous with what she feeds her kids. My kids would starve if I served them beets and tomatoes.....1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.......oh, 7........ Don't jump on top of him, you've got to wait until he's out of the way before you jump in! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ......who are we missing......where's BeYoYo? Oh, there he is, he was peeing over on the side.....So, how's your mama doing? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7."

One day we were out on the beach and all the kids were playing, and 3 other kids who we don't know were playing intermingled with ours, and it was sometimes hard to tell who was who. So we just started counting to 10 to make sure everyone was accounted for. As long as there were 10 total bodies, we were good.

The it-takes-a-village dynamic was never more present than when The Boy stepped on a cactus. Actually, it might have been stronger about 30 seconds later when his brother ALSO stepped on a cactus. We saw 3 cacti the whole time we were at the beach, and my kids managed to step on two of them. We were leaving our beach house and headed down to the beach, and The Boy was going to run and catch up with some cousins ahead of us. He took a short cut through the grass and screamed for me to come help. Not knowing why he was screaming, I didn't hurry, because you know the mom has to carry 100 things down to the beach and I was gathering all our stuff. Then the screaming intensified, and I realized BeYoYo was now screaming too. I put down the stuff and ran to The Boy, who had one of these dangling down from his foot. He was hopping and screaming, shrieking, crying in pain, and crying again when he'd look at it.

Uncle Grant grabbed BeYoYo and I pulled the cactus out of The Boy's foot. He screamed and pushed against me, unappreciative of the spur going in or out. After I got the cactus out, there were still multiple additional spurs sticking in him. But BeYoYo was also screaming with cacti stuck in him, and he was sitting in uncle Grant's lap in the driveway crying for his mama. The Husband had already gone to the beach and was unaware that any of this was going on. So I told The Boy to wait a minute and I went to tend to BeYoYo. Meanwhile, aunt Rachel picked up The Boy and took him inside to get tweezers. He continued to scream. While Grant held BeYoYo I started helping him pull spurs out too. Grant would point one out to me and hold the foot still,  I would use my fingernails to get a good grip and yank it out, and BeYoYo would wail. When we got most of HIS spurs out I went inside to check on the status of the boy.  

I heard him wailing before I saw him. I followed the sound upstairs, where I saw him on the sofa surrounded by cousins, Aunt Rachel, and Bebe. His Papa was holding him and holding some very serious tweezers that looked more like scissors. Papa was simultaneously trying to hold him, convince him to cooperate, and trying to remove the remaining spurs with the tweezers. I'm not sure The Boy understood what was happening, because he was wailing "NOOOOO! Don't cut me! Don't cut me!" in his most panicked fight or flight voice, and he was both fighting and flighting what I can only imagine he assumed to be some sort of medieval torture device. He was using all his might to try to get away, thrashing around like an animal that has just been hit by a car and doesn't know where safety is. His family was surrounding him, offering him words of encouragement, but it was not going well for anyone. I busted up that party and he reached for me to save him. I carried him downstairs, away from the crowd, to try to calm him. It was only partially successful, as he did still have multiple spurs in his foot. He yelled "WHYYYYYY are there cactus at the BEEEEEACH?" and  sobbed "Tonight I'm going to tell God that I hate cactus and I wish he'd never made them!" I told him he didn't have to wait until tonight, he could tell God right then, but that did not help. We set about to the difficult task at hand though neither of us really wanted to be involved. 

I will spare you all the details, but suffice it to say eventually he and I decided that I would go to the beach and he would stay up at the beach house with Papa. I regathered the beach things that I'd abandoned earlier and headed down to meet the rest of the fam. Grant had soaked BeYoYo's feet in the pool and taken him down to the beach with his crew. I felt like I'd just survived an explosion and was questioning if it had really happened. I had no idea if 15 minutes had passed or an hour and a half. When I got down to the beach to join the others, Rachel and Danielle had my chair ready, as well as a can of wine. They are the best sister-wives because they take care of me in addition to my kids. We resumed our counting of children and vacation continued post-minor-medical-emergency.

And of course we did the annual Magness family beach pictures, which were disastrous as usual. Imagine 8 adults all yelling orders for seven children to go in four different directions, and you'll get the idea. "You're standing in her shadow, no the light isn't good right there, let go of his hand, why are you holding a stick? Put the stick down. No, don't throw it. What are you doing? Turn around. No, not you, your brother. I know it's hot, I'm hot too. The sooner you cooperate the sooner we go in. Look over here, look at the camera, now SMILE!" 

Once you get the last one turned around and in formation, another one turns the wrong way. It's like a litter of puppies all crawling over each other and heading in different directions even though they've got nowhere to be. So someone hollers and drill sergeants them back into formation. Then six are turned the right way, but two of them got silly and bent over, one is trying to shrug off another, and one is still turned around backward.

Right after this one there were tears about the removal of sunglasses

And this is what happened when I was trying to take BeYoYo's picture and uncle Garth said "who wants ice cream?" This is a child who knows he's invited to that party. 

This next one I've zoomed in on, to show you the full effect. These children were supposed to be ready for the camera. There were even jelly bean rewards involved. AND THIS IS WHAT WE GET. I've got 3 good shots from the beach and dozens of pictures like this one. 

I just looked through all our beach pictures, and I think this last one was my very favorite. Unpolished. Not smiling. Dirty. Skeptical. Unicorn horns, complaints, and pleas. It's the most accurate portrayal of our week. If only it had sound (so much sound) you might get a feel for spending a week with 7 under 10 this year. 

A 7 Year Old

The Boy turned 7 last week. SEVEN! Seven seems so old, like a big kid who can ride a bike and tell jokes and get his own snacks from the pantry and basically cook his own Kraft Mac and Cheese by himself.

He is funny and inquisitive and active and adventurous. He cannot lie without smiling, and he appreciates flossing, more the dance than the dental type. He can read nearly anything, and he's definitely going to try-No billboard, pamphlet, or junk mail is safe from his literary practice. He has big ideas and creates inventions, lego creations, and elaborate drawings of space creatures and superheroes.

For his birthday dinner this year, he chose to go to the cheap Chinese buffet that his grandparents take him to. He enjoys Chinese food, but I think he mostly enjoys that his grandparents let him serve himself from the buffet and get whatever he wants.

This year he chose lime sherbet instead of cake, and the servers at the restaurant unexpectantly brought it out and sang happy birthday to him. His fortune cookie said that he had to share all his birthday presents with his Papa. He was thoroughly impressed!

(Beyoyo's fortune said his feet stink).

On his birthday, The Boy had camp at School of the Greenwood, his favorite place, with his favorite people. It's a week filled with adventures and exploring in the forest and creative, imaginative play. He's been hanging out with these adults since he was 4, and they are his forest family. (For more pics of these adventures, click here).

These are his responses to his annual birthday questionnaire.

How old are you? 

Seven

What’s your favorite thing to do? 

play with cousins

What do you want to be when you grow up? 

a ninja

What’s your favorite food? 

Cheez-its

What’s something you’re good at? 

Martial arts

What makes you laugh? 

a picture we have that says poopoo (a previous birthday questionnaire)

What’s something scary?

The Headless Horseman

Who’s your best friend? 

Ryan

What do you like to do with your family? 

Go on a bike ride

Where do you like to go? 

Chinese restaurants

What do you like to learn about? 

Diarrhea, he said, laughing. 
(When I pressed him to come up with a "real" answer, he said science)

Dance Party

He could do this for days.

A Year in Quotes: 2017

It's time again for one of my favorite annual posts. This is the post where I collect things that The Husband or I have said out loud to our child(ren), and present them here, out of context. You'll remember I've done these in the past, so feel free to reminisce. Here we go

You can't eat ice cream with a knife. 

Please don't lick the salad bar. 

Why do y'all stand outside the bathroom waiting for me like you're waiting after a Beatles concert?

That's not your dad. 

There's no dancing at funerals in America. 

There wasn't a singing competition at nanny's funeral, I promise.  

Whose boogers are these on the iPad?

Jumping is not a part of going to sleep. 

I'll lick the germs off. 

Anyone with legs can have a lap. 

You've lost your shoe privilege. 

Get your bottom off his head. 

Everybody stop touching bodies. 

It's easy to be still. All you have to do is nothing. 

Whose poop is this?

Bandaids aren't accessories. 

You can't have ice for dinner. 

I don't know if moths are ticklish. 

Don't bite somebody during the blessing. 

Don't eat anything off your penis. 

Did you wash that snail in the sink?

Why is my hat in the dog crate?

Nobody's going to force you to eat space ice cream. 

Screaming is not part of falling asleep. 

I'm not your concierge. 

Whose poop is this?

Why are you drawing on toast? 

Sometimes people like to go to the bathroom alone. 

Please quit talking about cheek fat and watch the movie. 

When I say use an inside voice, I don't mean pick up your straw and use it as a trumpet. 

This is an important life lesson. Never touch poop, and never put poop on anyone else. 

Don't tell him he can eat a dandelion. 

We don't eat things out of the dishwasher. 

No killing. 

Do you need a bath? Come here let me smell you. 

Is that a human crying or is that a toy?

You cannot wear a devil costume to church. 

You let your brother apologize to you right now. 

You're not the king of all Legos. 

Please don't touch my face when you have pee on your hand. 

You don’t have a monopoly on singing. 

He is not the boss of the naughty list. 

Did you tell your brother there are mean faeries upstairs who will turn him into a skeleton?

I don’t know how old Jesus was when he first had wine. But I’m sure Mary and joseph made sure he was old enough. 

You’re not the boss of cereal. 

How did you take a bite of an almond and put it back? An almond is the smallest food there is. 

You’ve lost your hoof privilege. You won't have any hooves on your costume. 

via GIPHY

The Elf On The Shelf

It's that time of year! Our elf, Elfis, arrived on Thanksgiving night. The boys love looking for him each morning, and anticipating what he might do next. Here are some facts about our elf:

• He always comes on Thanksgiving night. 
• If he's touched, he will lose his magic. Sometimes that means he has trouble flying (today he's been face down in a pot on the counter. I guess he tried to fly back to the North Pole and didn't have enough magic). Once last year he came back with a cast on his leg where he'd been touched. 
• If he's lost his magic, we put some cinnamon out in a dish to help him get his magic back. 
• He goes back to the North Pole with Santa on Christmas Eve.
• Occasionally he shows up in other months to comment on how well (or not well) the boys are doing. 
• Sometimes he brings a treat or prop, but usually he just uses things we already have at home. 

Some friends have mentioned that their elves don't do as much as ours, so I thought I'd create a post with some of the things our elf has done, in case you want to leave it out so your elf can get some ideas. 

Bowling with other toys! Elfis showed up with this bowling game, but I also saw one in the dollar section at Target in case your kids want one for themselves. 

Elfis used cotton candy for hair when he was trying to be a troll doll. 

We had the class mascot, Skippy Jon Jones, and he and Elfis had some adventures together. 

Elfis brought individual bags of sand, and made himself a pretend hammock from an old baby hat. 

Elfis hung himself from the chimney with care! 

Inside our terrarium

He toilet papers the tree almost every year! 

This was the time Elfis replaced all the stockings with our underwear! 

Sometimes he grabs random toys to create a scene. This one had a sign that said "witch better have my money!" 

We found Elfis, Jake the Pirate, Superman, and Batman in sock sleeping bags having a campout. They roasted tiny marshmallows from the Lucky Charms and cooked a Swedish fish over a tea light. 

After a particularly rough day, Elfis likes to sit back with the Mrs. Buttersworth's and a straw. 

Elfis does not love screaming. 

Once Elfis STOLE ornaments and gifts from under our tree and stockpiled them just like the Grinch. He even had a grinch sweater on. 

Elfis set up a one man band using chop sticks, k-cups, a can of corn, a mini guitar, and a disco ornament. 

Another adventure with Skippy Jon Jones

Matching aprons for The Boy and Elfis, that he delivered with frozen cookie dough ready to bake. 

Yeehaw, Elfis! 

We didn't know Elfis loves granola, but apparently he does. 

More Skippy Jon adventures

Marshmallow hot tub!

 If the Thanksgiving decorations are still out, Elfis will create a Native American costume for himself. 

Once he took a toy plane out for a spin, but crashed into the chandelier. Thankfully everyone was okay. 

Reindeer riding

Sometimes he just chills on the shelf. 

Thankfully we opened the freezer to grab waffles, and that's where we found Elfis with SNOW. I don't know for sure, but it smelled a lot like shaving cream that had been sprayed and put in the freezer. 

Window decorating with spray snow. 

Once he used a megaphone for a toilet. 

AND once he ate so much candy and cake that it made him sick and he was stuck on the doll toilet for a long time.