Chicken or shrimp?

This whole Chick-fil-A thing has really burnt my nuggets. I am a Christian. I am a supporter of gay rights.  (Yes, we exist). Dan Cathy said he supports the Biblical definition of marriage and the country goes wild. How dare he state what he believes? We cry out that he's intolerant and hates gays. Hate mail to Dan Cathy because we think he's intolerant only makes us intolerant. It does nothing to create an atmosphere of tolerance, openness, or treating others the way we want to be treated. It fuels the fire of the debate and creates a hero and martyr for those who actually do want to prevent gays from having equal rights. Whoa, Nelly. That's hardly winning them over to what a great group of folks we are. I think we could do better.

It's true, the Bible does admonish homosexuality. It's right there in Leviticus 18, in black and white. So I can understand some of the outrage. There's really no arguing with the Bible. The problem is that the Bible also admonishes pork (Lev. 11:7-8). And shrimp (Lev. 11:11-12). And getting a tattoo (Lev. 19:28). And gossip (Lev. 19:16).  And remarriage (Mark 10:11-12). And touching a woman when she's on her period (Lev. 15:19-20). And polyester blends (Lev. 19:19). And rounded haircuts (Lev 19:27). And this is from the very book of the Bible that says homosexuality is wrong. Ouch! With the exception of remarriage, I have been guilty of all of these. I have probably eaten bacon wrapped shrimp while wearing polyester and gossiping with a period-having woman. I even had a rounded Dorothy Hammil hair cut when I was little. See?
 

It seems to me that if the Bible says all of these are wrong we should treat them all equally; either drop them all or be outraged about them all. So, I hereby call for an all out war against shrimp! "Anything living in the water that doesn't have fins and scales is detestable to you." (Lev. 11:11). Obviously shrimp chose not to have fins and scales, therefore they deserve what they get. If only they repented and reformed themselves into the fish they were meant to be.... The Bible says shrimp are detestable, so therefore God hates shrimp and wants shrimp to suffer. Or maybe God hates the sin, loves the shrimp? Hates the shrimp, loves the shrimper?  I think it's time to call an end to the moral decay in this country. No rights for shrimp and pork! I hereby announce that shrimp shall not marry, shall not be treated equally, and shall not hold rights that well deserving fish with the decency to have fins and scales are entitled to. We'll protest any pro-shrimp companies, heckle any shrimp that we see on the street, and most importantly as God-fearing, Bible-abiding, decent American citizens, we will never, under any circumstance love shrimp.

Homosexuality is addressed in several scriptures in the Bible, but derivatives of the word love are found more than 700 times. Seems like maybe the love is what we should be focusing on, and I don't think we do a very good job of it. No one ever hated someone into agreeing with them*. Gay rights supporters, gay rights opposition, put down your swords and your shrimp forks and let's start by showing the other side what a nice and loving group we are. Maybe, just maybe, they'll return the favor.Wouldn't it be great if we could sit down for a cocktail together even though we disagree?  In fact, let's make it a shrimp cocktail.


*I don't actually have any research to back this up. It's a guess.

More Pranks

I thought of you when I was mid-prank on my latest little mini prank. I thought how you'd appreciate it and that I should write it down for you, so in honor of having more than 5,000 hits (what!?!) here's to you, readers.

The setup: Our friend Jess hasn't been in touch lately. He's been a great friend since he and The Husband met at the cheerleading gym where they worked in college. We've got some significant history: he stayed with us for a couple months when he moved back to Athens, he's sewn up my arm from an unfortunate trash debacle, he and The Husband have some wild college road trip stories and he proposed to me after a Georgia game once. You know, good friends.

We've fallen out of touch and I've given him a hard time about it. So when he texted me back last week I decided to teach him a lil lesson. Here are some screen shots, minus the what's new with you stuff in the middle. To appreciate this you should know that The Husband is fine, The Boy is fine, and I don't have a 15 year old cousin.

Yada yada, typical catching up banter which led us here....

 

And then I didn't hear from him for a few days. I texted a few times with no response, and finally got him writing me back today. He started by apologizing for being a communication black hole. So a full ten days after I started this debacle I dropped the bomb on him....

A Word From Our Sponsor

You might have noticed ads on my blog. Google put them there with my permission. Except that one with Barack Obama and aborted fetuses, I definitely did not approve that.  Okay, google doesn't ask me about the content of the ads, but I did agree to the ads in general (and after that fetus one I realized I can block certain categories). Yep, I've sold out to the man in order to make a buck. Literally, one buck. I've made exactly 85 cents so far this month so basically I'm rolling in the dough. I figured if I was going to be writing and you were going to be reading I might as well cash in on this passing fad called the internet (Thank you) and the mega companies that are willing to advertise on a growing mommy blog.

Let's get to the point. Help a sista out and click on an ad when you're here. It costs you nothing but the ad companies pay google and google operates under a trickle down economy, so I get 85 cents. Let's join together and stick it to the man! I've had 4800 views so far and google tells me I've had 8 clicks. Ever. Now I figured that y'all didn't know before this very moment that I would benefit from your clickiness or you'da been showing interest in male enhancements and daily deal websites all along. Because I know that's the kind of person you are. Kind. Compassionate. Computer literate. Stickin it to The Man.

So consider this your enlightenment and if you like the blog, show your support by clicking an ad or two when you're here. Many, many thanks!

 

Mom(my) Time

Let me start by saying that I love my child like I have never loved any other person or thing on this earth. I would take a bullet for that boy to ensure his safety or hold a roach in my bare hand to ensure his happiness. I could live for a week off his laughter alone.  So let's be clear, this post is not about not liking my kid. Put your judgement down and read on.

I also love pasta. Plain pasta, pasta marinara, pasta in a creamy carb sauce, pasta with veggies, pasta with cheese and butter. I even love the pasta at Farm 255 that has an anchovy sauce. There are very few pasta dishes I wouldn't go to dinner with. I'm a carb girl at heart and there's something about a delicious pasta that is the comfort food of all comfort foods. If I weren't concerned about my weight and health I'd eat an 85% pasta diet.* But that wouldn't be healthy. My doctor would frown upon it. My girlfriends would probably be embarrassed. My husband would be concerned. My health, work, social life and marriage would probably suffer due to my poor health. I might even get tired of pasta after all of that. I need to fill my plate with other healthy options so I can be healthy enough to eat and enjoy pasta.


Who's with me here? Even though I love pasta I know it's not good for me all the time. Sometimes pasta can be (age appropriately) whiny, and sometimes it pulls on my pajama bottoms until they fall down. Sometimes it snots and slobbers on my good shirt as I'm walking out the door and sometimes it creates lots of poopy laundry. Sometimes pasta throws its sippy cup in the way back of my car and I don't find it until the milk has turned into cottage cheese. Sometimes pasta wipes gummy graham crackers in my hair and wakes up at 5am for no reason- even when I am really tired. I understand that even though motherhood is wonderful and joyful and filled with miraculous developmental milestones, I don't need only motherhood on my plate. Don't get me wrong: I need A LOT of mommy time. I love it. But I'm so much more than just a mom. So I also need girlfriends-having-a-drink time and go-to-work-and-focus-and-do-your-job-well-time and have-a-date-with-The-Husband-time and sometimes good ol' trash-tv-time on my plate. Like my diet, balance is the key.

I could do motherhood all the time and never do anything for myself. I could be a mommy martyr. But that wouldn't be healthy. My doctor would frown upon it. My girlfriends would probably be embarrassed. My husband would be concerned. My health, work, social life and marriage would probably suffer due to my poor health. I might even get tired of mommy time after all of that. So.... I choose to hang out with adults when I can, to try to leave home at home and work at work, to let The Boy spend the night with his grandparents once a month, and to not feel guilty when I need to order something different. It re-energizes me and helps me be fully present, fully functional, fully appreciative, and fully mommy when it's mommy time. Sorry pasta, but tonight I'm ordering a salad. You'll be thankful I did.

*5% cakes and pastries, 2% Lucky Charms, 2% dairy, and 1% fresh cut fruit if you're wondering