Our Week In Videos

I take a lot of videos and pictures of my kids. Most of them are bad and get deleted, but some are not, and those might make it to instagram. This week seemed like I took more than usual, so you're having getting a look in the video vault that was our week.

Sunday
Sunday we did the Jimmy Kimmel prank of telling The Boy we ate all his Halloween candy.

Monday they played in puddles.

Here are each of their reactions to being muddy for a little while:

Tuesday
Tuesday BeYoYo got tubes put in. He's fine. This was him at pre-op.

and then this was later that afternoon when we needed to get out of the house, and went to Target. 

Wednesday I didn't get any video (I KNOW, what kind of parent AM I?), so you'll have to settle for this action shot of BeYoYo trying to put all the toilet paper in the toilet.

Thursday
This was their bath in the morning, when The Boy asked to make a silly movie. This was BEFORE The Boy went to Wild Intelligence and got gross, and BeYoYo fell in the mud when we went to pick him up.

And here's after. I didn't get a shot of BeYoYo, because he was muddy and crying and signing all done and buckling him in is like trying to get an octopus in a car seat. 

Friday
In the spirit of blogging transparency, I have to tell you that this video is not actually from today. It's from last week, and I haven't gotten any pics or videos from today. But the day is still young. Here's BeYoYo dancing. Every time he goes up on his tip toes he thinks he's jumping.

Islands in the Stream

The Husband loves to turn on some loud music on his laptop and jam out while he does things around the house. He really gets in a zone with his rock music whether he's working on projects with power tools or mopping the floor. So for years I've crept in when he wasn't looking and changed it to Islands in the Stream. Always Islands in the Stream. As you can imagine I find this hilarious and he does not. You have to have some things to keep your marriage fresh and interesting, after all.

Fast forward to present day. We have been exposing The Boy to a variety of music, and he's really soaking it up. He told me one day that his favorite song is Flight of the Bumblebees, which explains a lot. He'll choose a song and ask for it over and over, then perform various remixes for us. The Husband taught him about Two Kinds of Love from Rocky II and Queen's Flash, which he even sings the guitar intro to. I introduced him to Simon and Garfunkle and Johnny Cash, and maybe a little Taylor Swift. Imagine my delight when I got the idea to teach him Islands in the Stream! My hope was that he'd sing it all the time and drive The Husband crazy. It's like the prank that keeps on giving. So we practiced. And we watched YouTube clips. And we had kitchen dance parties. "And we wrely on each other. Uh huh. From one lover to another. Uh huh." Now that I'm typing it, I do note the inappropriateness of these lyrics, but stay with me.


Meanwhile, my six year old nephew sang "We will rock you" one time and the boy was hooked. Hooked. It was his instant fave, trumping anything we'd introduced. He sings it All. The. Time. He wants to hear it all the time. He experiments with voices and pitch and tempo and motions. Our house is like a full time Jock Jam CD that skips.


I get it. You don't have to like what I like. You're a free thinker, and I love that about you. You don't want to be a pawn in an elaborate scheme to prank your father, that's fine. But the other night at dinner....


Husband: ready to say the blessing?

Boy (solemnly bows head): God our father, God our father, we will, we will wrock you. We will, we will, wrock you. Amen.


He was serious. The Husband and I couldn't keep a straight face. Dear God, we will rock you. Amen. It was hilarious. It was inappropriate and irreverent. We laughed and laughed and nearly cried. The Boy looked at us, an expression of perplexity and curiosity and pride. We told him it was a great blessing, and it was. There's nothing like bringing your genuine self to God, complete with your naivety and your passions and your pride. And in that moment, without knowing it, and without meaning to, he won. Right in the middle of my planning and my pranking, I'd been Island in the Streamed. By a three year old and a six year old. The irony of these lyrics is not lost on me.


"Somebody better put you back into your place."


Here, for your listening pleasure, is one of the many We Will Rock You renditions. He's available for parties and mar mitzvahs. And blessings.

Jimmy Kimmel Prank

Have you seen the Jimmy Kimmel prank where parents tell their kids they ate all their Halloween candy? We did that. Oh, come on. Don't act like you expect more from us. Jimmy Kimmel didn't include us in his compilation this year, but luckily The Boy is so young he won't remember this and we can prank him again next year! Here's his reaction this year. 

Shock.  Denial.  Bargaining.  Questioning. Demanding

Ladies and Gentlemen, the stages of candy grief. 

Breaking Bad Baby

Do you like The Boy as Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad?? You can't tell but he's showing off his Land of the Free tattoo. Winning.

More Pranks

I thought of you when I was mid-prank on my latest little mini prank. I thought how you'd appreciate it and that I should write it down for you, so in honor of having more than 5,000 hits (what!?!) here's to you, readers.

The setup: Our friend Jess hasn't been in touch lately. He's been a great friend since he and The Husband met at the cheerleading gym where they worked in college. We've got some significant history: he stayed with us for a couple months when he moved back to Athens, he's sewn up my arm from an unfortunate trash debacle, he and The Husband have some wild college road trip stories and he proposed to me after a Georgia game once. You know, good friends.

We've fallen out of touch and I've given him a hard time about it. So when he texted me back last week I decided to teach him a lil lesson. Here are some screen shots, minus the what's new with you stuff in the middle. To appreciate this you should know that The Husband is fine, The Boy is fine, and I don't have a 15 year old cousin.

Yada yada, typical catching up banter which led us here....

 

And then I didn't hear from him for a few days. I texted a few times with no response, and finally got him writing me back today. He started by apologizing for being a communication black hole. So a full ten days after I started this debacle I dropped the bomb on him....

Another Husband Prank

I can't take credit for this one. This was in an email my friend Kristen* sent me. I begged her to let me share it with you, and being the good friend that she is, she agreed. Okay, names have been changed to protect the innocent. Her name isn't really Kristen. Or is it?

Last night, we were in bed and Steven got up for the bathroom.  On his way back I asked him to please bring me the Vaseline.  Just 5 minutes earlier I was complaining that for the millionth night in a row, I can’t find any chapstick upstairs and was too lazy to go down stairs and get some.  He stepped out with it, “Why do you need this?”
Me: “For my butt hole”
Steven: “Seriously?”
Me: “Yeah.  It gets dry when girls are on their period.”
Steven: “No it doesn’t.””
Me: “It does.  Just turn out the light so I can use it already.”
Steven: “That’s disgusting.”
Me: “No it’s not, it happens to everyone.  It’s healthy.”
[ silence ]
Steven: “I think you’re joking.”


I swear husbands will believe anything if you say it's gynecological. 

Snoring

The other night we were laying in bed and we had this familiar exchange.

Me: Roll over. You're snoring.
Husband: What?
Me: You're snoring. Roll over.
Husband (outraged): Snoring! I wasn't even asleep.

He immediately fell back asleep, and began snoring again. Loudly. In my ear. So I rolled over, got my cell phone and used the voice recorder to record his snores. I tried not to laugh out loud. Then, while he was still asleep, I turned the volume up, put the phone next to his ear and played it back.

"Whaaaaa?" He said, waking up in a panic.

Me: Oh, that snoring in your ear woke you up? I'm sorry. Maybe you should roll over. And he did.

Tricks I Play on The Husband

I have a history of playing jokes on my husband, like the time I had the dentist's office call and tell him that there was a mistake and he really did have a cavity. Or the time that I let him believe he was accurate in thinking the famous actor's name was pronounced Samu L Jackson. Or the time that I told him I couldn't go with his family to North Carolina for New Year's, then hitched a ride up there with his aunt and called him and told him my plans had changed and asked if he could drive back to Georgia and pick me up. Now anyone that knows him can attest to the fact that he deserves every ounce of it. Most of the time my tricks are in retribution to something he's done in the first place.

So our story begins. The Husband's pregnant co-worker, Leslie, asked me to bake her a cake for a reveal party. She wanted the doctor to call me with the gender and wanted me to bake a cake with either blue or pink on the inside so that when she and her husband cut into it at the party everyone would learn what they were having at the same time. Easy enough. Also, she was clear that she didn't want my husband to know beforehand. That's when things get tricky. 

The doctor's office called and told me Leslie was having a boy. Oh boy! She wanted a chocolate cake with colored icing on the inside. The Husband kept creeping trying to find out what color my icing was. I shooed him out of the kitchen and pantry multiple times, only for him to return with some lame excuse like "I need a drink" or "could I have something to eat?" or "you're not the boss of this kitchen, you know." It drove him crazy to know I knew the sex and he didn't. So I devised a little plan. To fully appreciate this trick you should know that Leslie's husband is white, and that all the doctor's office told me was that it was a boy.  (Disclaimer: This is not racially motivated. I love black people. See this post for more).

Me: Have you met Leslie's husband before?

Husband: Yeah, once.

Me (casually): So he's black? 

Husband: No, he's white. 

Me (somber): Oh. 

Husband: What?

Me: I'm sure it's nothing.

Husband: What?

Me (very seriously) They are having a black baby. 

Husband: What?!

Me: I wonder if he knows. 

Husband: What? How do you know?

Me: The doctor said it. Oh no.  (This is preposterous but he was buying it)

Husband: What? What did the doctor say?

Me: The nurse that called told me the gender and then said based on the facial structure and the bone composition it was most likely an African American baby. 

Husband: She really told you that?

Me: Yes. Someone's going to be in trouble. 

Husband: Well, maybe they did in vetro or something. 

Me: Or something. Do you think I should tell her?

Husband: What did they say again?

Me: Based on the facial structure and the bone composition it was most likely an African American baby (II had to turn away now and stir my batter because I was in danger of laughing) Do you think I should tell her?

Husband: Tell her what?

Me: That she's having a black baby. 

Husband: How can you tell her that?

Me: I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't. Would you want to know? Maybe I should just wait until it's born and then they'll find out that way. 

Husband: I can't believe they told you that. I think it's a HIPPA violation. 

Me: Well, they asked the office to call me. 

Husband: Yes, but only to tell the sex, not to tell you the race. That's none of your business. 

Me: But I know so it is my business, and now it's your business too.  I'll have to think about this. I think she deserves to know. Her husband deserves to know. 

Meanwhile I texted Leslie to tell her that my husband thought she was having a black baby. She thought it was hilarious. The next day was the day of the party. I finished up the cake and we left to go to her parents' house.

Husband: What did you decide?

Me: About what?

Husband: Telling her. 

Me: Well. I made a chocolate cake. 

Husband: So?

Me: Well, she's expecting a white cake (that wasn't true) so when she cuts into it maybe she'll figure it out and I won't have to say anything. 

Husband: You made a chocolate cake?! 

Me: Yeah.

Husband: I can't believe you did that. That's insensitive. 

Me: What? I thought it was subtle and appropriate. 

Husband: What if she doesn't get it and asks why her cake is chocolate?

Me: I don't think she'll do that. She's too polite. 

Husband: You aren't charging her for this cake are you?

Me: Why not?

Husband: I thought the cake was supposed to be pink or blue on the inside.

Me: That's even more reason for her to take the hint. 

Husband: So everyone there is going to be expecting to find out what the baby is and it's going to be brown?

Me: Well, the icing has a color inside. 

Husband: Is it brown too?

Me: No, it's pink or blue. 

Husband: I think maybe you should talk to her. 

Me: I don't know. 

Husband: They could've made a mistake. She needs to know that. She needs to know her doctor's office is giving out her personal information too. 

Me: I don't know. There's a lot to think about. 

We got to the party, they cut the cake, and everyone cheered that it was a boy. No one asked why the cake was chocolate because that's ridiculous. We congratulated them and got ready to leave. In the car:

Husband: Well?

Me: Well what?

Husband: Did you say anything to her?

Me: No, I didn't. 

Husband: What are you going to do?

Me: You ACTUALLY think her doctor's office called me and told me she's having a BLACK baby?

This is followed by lots and lots of laughter on my end and glares from the Husband. 

Me: (Hysterical laughter)

Husband: Yes, I did. 

Me: We just had a baby. They didn't mention anything about the color of our baby from our ultrasounds. How do you think they can do that?

Husband: Excuse me for believing my wife and not expecting that she would lie to me. 

Me: But really....(more laughter)

Husband: This is not funny. I can't believe you did that. It's not funny at all. 

Me: Yes it is. It's hilarious!

And it's STILL hilarious. I get a kick out of it every time I think about it. Tell me you didn't laugh or at least smile?  He went to work on Monday angry with Leslie too, even though she had nothing to do with it. So now I have to lay low for a little while so he doesn't suspect anything. Until the next trick.....