Urine Luck

A group of school counselors in a nearby town hired me to come and speak to them about play therapy (like a professional), and today was the day. I was SO excited, because I love public speaking, and I love play therapy. I had packed up some games and some handouts and had everything ready.

Then about 30 minutes before it was time for me to leave I started having symptoms of another urinary tract infection. I had some serious frequency and urgency, I peed about 45 times, and truth be told, I peed my pants. 

Our sitter came, and I quickly ran in our room to change. I had on black stretch pants and didn't have time to compose a whole new outfit, so I just grabbed my black Cuddl Duds and let those be black pants for today. I had on a long-ish shirt, so I was hoping I wasn't looking like a woman trying to pass off Cuddl Duds as pants, which I was. Plus, it was black on black, so that all blends together, right? 

I went to tell The Husband goodbye. He thought I'd already left, so I explained to him that I'd been peeing every 5 minutes and wetting my pants. "How am I going to give this hour-long talk if I have to pee every 5 minutes?" I snarled at him, like it was his fault. "Well," he said "just tell them in the beginning, 'to keep things interesting, I'm going to be sporadically running out of here, because that's what kids might do when you're working with them.'" Thanks, but let's call that Plan B. 

So I hollered bye to the sitter and dashed out. I called my BFF Kati from the car and explained the situation. "You need some Depends" she offered. I didn't know where the place was I was going, and I didn't know if I would have time to stop somewhere to get some OTC meds. "You don't have time not to" Kati suggested. The Dollar General was the only thing on the way, so I was hoping they'd have some UTI meds and I wouldn't have to seek out a real pharmacy somewhere out of the way. 

I got to The General in about 10 minutes, where I parked and promptly realized I didn't have my wallet. I called The Husband, who confirmed it was at home in the diaper bag. I had diapers in my car and no baby, but the wallet was at home in the diaper bag. So as I was debating if I should now turn around and go back home to get my wallet, and then stop somewhere and risk being late, or if I should just forge on and risk peeing my pants during a professional presentation, I spotted a twenty dollar bill in my cup holder. Oh, miracle of miracles. I forgot I'd spontaneously gotten cash back when I made my bank deposit this morning! Thank you, baby Jesus and the FDIC. 

I went in The General, stopped by the bathroom (naturally), then found they did indeed have AZO fast acting urinary relief.  Hallelujah, Amen. I quickly read the label, which said it can cause stomach upset so you better take it with food. I hadn't eaten lunch, and surely didn't want stomach upset during my presentation on top of the pants peeing. So I went quickly to the food section and chose some trail mix and an apple. I was rushing, but not quite running in the store, kind of like a loser on SuperMarket Sweep. Then horror of all horrors I had to DO MATH IN MY HEAD to make sure I had enough money for my items like it was the 1990s. Thankfully my math skills were validated when the cashier told me my total. Still living like it was the 90s, I tossed in a birthday cake chapstick as a reward. Woohoo!

I went to the car and immediately took my meds like a strung out junkie who can't wait to get home. I told Siri to get us going, just in time to get stopped by an incoming train. I had plenty of time to take a picture of it for you. Holy heck the first people problems were mounting. When the train was gone I was on my way. I flew down back roads, partly because I was afraid I'd be late and partly because I had to pee. 

Turns out the place was closer than I'd thought and I got there with time to spare. I sat in the car for a few minutes to decompress, but I turned the car off when I got to thinking how I didn't have my wallet, and only about $5 in potential gas money on me. I was starting to sweat, thanks to the stress and the Cuddl Duds. I went in and went to the bathroom just in time to start my presentation. And I'm proud to say that I didn't pee my pants or have to run out of the room the whole time. Whew! I don't think God cares if I pee my pants or not, but I thanked him for it just the same.