A Year in Quotes: 2017

It's time again for one of my favorite annual posts. This is the post where I collect things that The Husband or I have said out loud to our child(ren), and present them here, out of context. You'll remember I've done these in the past, so feel free to reminisce. Here we go

You can't eat ice cream with a knife. 

Please don't lick the salad bar. 

Why do y'all stand outside the bathroom waiting for me like you're waiting after a Beatles concert?

That's not your dad. 

There's no dancing at funerals in America. 

There wasn't a singing competition at nanny's funeral, I promise.  

Whose boogers are these on the iPad?

Jumping is not a part of going to sleep. 

I'll lick the germs off. 

Anyone with legs can have a lap. 

You've lost your shoe privilege. 

Get your bottom off his head. 

Everybody stop touching bodies. 

It's easy to be still. All you have to do is nothing. 

Whose poop is this?

Bandaids aren't accessories. 

You can't have ice for dinner. 

I don't know if moths are ticklish. 

Don't bite somebody during the blessing. 

Don't eat anything off your penis. 

Did you wash that snail in the sink?

Why is my hat in the dog crate?

Nobody's going to force you to eat space ice cream. 

Screaming is not part of falling asleep. 

I'm not your concierge. 

Whose poop is this?

Why are you drawing on toast? 

Sometimes people like to go to the bathroom alone. 

Please quit talking about cheek fat and watch the movie. 

When I say use an inside voice, I don't mean pick up your straw and use it as a trumpet. 

This is an important life lesson. Never touch poop, and never put poop on anyone else. 

Don't tell him he can eat a dandelion. 

We don't eat things out of the dishwasher. 

No killing. 

Do you need a bath? Come here let me smell you. 

Is that a human crying or is that a toy?

You cannot wear a devil costume to church. 

You let your brother apologize to you right now. 

You're not the king of all Legos. 

Please don't touch my face when you have pee on your hand. 

You don’t have a monopoly on singing. 

He is not the boss of the naughty list. 

Did you tell your brother there are mean faeries upstairs who will turn him into a skeleton?

I don’t know how old Jesus was when he first had wine. But I’m sure Mary and joseph made sure he was old enough. 

You’re not the boss of cereal. 

How did you take a bite of an almond and put it back? An almond is the smallest food there is. 

You’ve lost your hoof privilege. You won't have any hooves on your costume. 

via GIPHY