I Hope That's Chocolate, And Other Tales of Potty Training

The Boy is potty trained! Mostly. At first it was only as long as we were at home. And he was naked. And we're talking about pee. But now he's like legitimately potty trained.

He's been interested in the potty, mostly because of some of his older friends. So a month  ago I started letting him be naked at home all the time. I put down some wipeable picnic table cloths all over the playroom and relegated us to either that room or the kitchen. Then I watched him like a hawk and anytime he started to pee I whisked him to the potty chair and let him finish there. I followed up with two chocolates and a lot of praise. I didn't make up this method, it's all over the interweb coupled with success stories. We also spent a lot of time just hanging out on the potty chair for fun.

So we hunkered down for a few days of this. We picked out big boy underwear and only left the house when he'd just pottied and when we really needed something.  I even made my mom get on board with this plan at her house (what a great mom, right?). He was totally into the praise and chocolate, but after a few days he wasn't really catching onto making it to the potty. He peed in the playroom floor. He peed on me.  He peed in time out (that was on purpose), and he peed in the grass. So I decided to give it up and try again in a few weeks.

We don't drink sweet tea at our house, but my mother-in-law sneaks the caffeinated sugar water to him at her house. All the grand kids ask for it when they go (Hey, if you're in charge you can do whatever you want. If you don't mind a caffeinated kid have at it.). After about a week of naked potty days, The Boy and I went to the grocery store. I saw a can of Lipton tea, and told him we would buy it and he could have some if he used the bathroom in the potty. He responded with "I sit on potty in store!" meaning he wanted tea immediately. So we tried at the store but nothing happened.

We came home from the store and he went right to the potty chair and used it. I gave him tea, and he used it again. And again. SEVEN times he used it on his own to get tea! We'd been doing this for a week and all I had to do was say tea?? Caffeinated sugar water isn't seeming so bad now.

He's been doing great since then, wearing underwear and having few accidents. We've visited every public bathroom in a thirty mile radius, which he thinks is a novelty. He loves to try to touch everything, and it's like a germy game of keepaway.

Fast forward to the fourth of July. It was raining (of course) and we were hanging out at home. The Boy was playing and got quiet for about 30 seconds. I asked him what he was doing, and he emerged from behind the chair, naked, with a panicked look. I looked on the floor as he ran away, to find something strange. Chocolate? Please let that be chocolate. Poop. On the floor. On the carpet. Gag! I called out to The Husband in my calm-but-really-freaking-out-voice so as to not stress out The Boy.

Husband: What is it?
Me: Poop.
Husband: Where?
Me: The floor.
Husband: haha
Me: I need your help.
Husband: grunt.
Me: Do you want to get him or the floor?
Husband: I. guess. the. floor.
Me: Where'd he go?
Husband: I don't know, I called the floor.

I ran to his room, where he sat innocently reading a book and trying not to laugh. He had poop on his feet. Double gag. I picked him up and put him in a laundry basket to contain him while I cleaned him. The Husband sprang to action and was cleaning the floor. Never one to be left out, Prissy panicked and peed on the carpet too.

Nothing makes you feel like a bona fide grown up like cleaning up someone else's bodily fluids outside of a bachelorette party. I can't complain about one incident of poop on the floor (Okay, I just did) when he's only two, and he's been doing well. We took his potty chair to the beach with us, and stopped every mile and a half when he said he had to go. Then we pulled over and whipped out the potty chair in the gas station parking lots (classy with a capital K) and let him go. It only took us four days to complete our 7 hour trip. I eventually put a pull up on him and told him it was okay if he used the bathroom in his diaper. He cried "I not tee tee in SHORTS!" He's definitely caught on and gotten behind using the potty. And that one time on the floor.