When I got there, they couldn't find me in the computer. I spelled my names for them multiple times, and when they told me I wasn't in the system I produced my last bill that said I owed them $162 to ensure them I was. Oh look, they found me. But then they said I didn't have an appointment. I told them "Val" called me to remind me yesterday. Hmmm. They said. The Boy was in his stroller observing everyone in the waiting room while this was happening. He likes to look around and around until someone falls prey and makes eye contact with him. Then he bats his eyes and grins shamelessly until they leave or something more interesting happens. They told me they'd "work me in." Oh H No. This was not good.
We sat and waited. And waited. Eventually he signed to me "all done", indicating he wanted to run loose like a wild rabid raccoon. He ran in circles in the waiting room. He sucked on the windows to the hallway. He banged on the door to the office. He "jumped" up and down yelling "bump! bump!" He tried to climb on the free standing hand sanitizer stand. He stood inches from other patients and stared at them until they were forced to look at him. I'm a professional in the child development field, so I know it is not appropriate to ask a 15 month old to sit quietly for long stretches of time. Or ever. However, I am also an actual human, so I also know it is not appropriate to let your child do these things for extended periods of time. A nurse came out and told me it'd be another 15-20 minutes. I told her we were going down the hall to neurology to look at their fish tank.
When we came back a cute young resident was looking for us. I loaded The Boy back in his stroller and the cute resident held the door open for us and we followed him down the hall. He talked to The Boy and asked his age and name. We liked him. He asked me to stop in front of an office door and got a young female employee's attention just to look at The Boy. She oohed and ahhed and The Boy gave her a half smile. Cute resident took us to a room, where we waited. The young girl came by to see The Boy again. And we waited.
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| The Boy wore his tie to our appointment. He's very formal. |
An hour and a half after we got there, the Australian came in to see me. By this point we were well beyond the point of no return. My bag of tricks was used up and we were past paper cups and latex gloves for entertainment. I'd even gone through the secret weapon bag of marshmallows I brought. The Boy was not even impressed with the doc's accent. He mostly rared his body back in a shrimp position and screamed.
Dr Aussie: Hel-lo. You brought the faml'y for suppoyt I see. D'ya think he cou'd sit in his chaya for a few minutes moor while we do the exam?
Me: I don't know. He's been waiting for a long time. I think we're past the point of no return.
Dr. Aussie: Alright then, letsee if he can sit with you in this chaya then?
Me: Okay. (He wasn't happy in the chair)
Dr. Aussie: Alriyght, if we need to we can go get one ov the nusses to help. Theya bedda with children than Iyam.
Me: Okay.
Dr. Aussie: Open yoor mouth until it's kompfable. Joost kompfable. Okay. Does this hert? Does this? Any pain heeya? How bout heeya?
(The Boy wasn't having any of this. DONE. Dr. Aussie asked me to hold on a moment. He left the room and came back with a nurse. )
Dr. Aussie: Alriyght, this is Gwen. She's one ov ouwer nusses. Would it be okay if he went with her for a few minutes so we coould continue? (I don't know which one of us was gladder to see this happen. The Boy jumped at the chance to get out of there, the doc was relieved that he could complete the exam, and Gwen looked excited to play with a baby. I was happy to just lay my head back on the 'chaya' and relax for a minute.)
Gwen stood in the doorway with The Boy. She asked if he could walk and I told her no, he could only run. She laughed as if that was a joke and asked if she could let him walk in the hall. When I indicated she could, she let him down and he was gone. Startled, she ran after him.
Dr. Aussie finished the exam. He said the word "jawr" three times. He asked if I've been taking "loortab" for pain. The bottom line is that it has improved some but not much, and I can choose to do another irrigation procedure involving a scope or full fledged "open surgery" which involves him cutting into my face. I'm not sold on either of those, but I'd also like to talk and eat and yawn again so I don't know yet what I'm going to. Also, it depends on if I'll get more laughing gas.
Soon Gwen came back with The Boy. I heard them before I saw them. "Ba-roon. Ba-roon. Ba-roon." He was in her arms, a green helium balloon on a tiny short string in his hand. Mind you this is not a pediatric facility, I don't know where he rustled up a ba-roon but I'm sure it involved batting those eyes again. Gwen said "he saw that balloon and he said balloon over and over again. I hope it's okay." Oh, he said it so you just gave it to him? Yep, that's pretty much exactly how we do things at home. No worries. We thanked Gwen and I loaded up the stroller. The Boy indicated that under no circumstances would he be getting back into it, so I put his bag in the seat and balanced him atop the handle bar, while I held him steady and held his baroon with one hand and steered with the other. We wobbled out of the exam room. As I steered us down the hall, people waved and called to The Boy by name. The Boy had obviously made quite a name for himself during his jaunt at Emory. Even a fellow patient shouted goodbye to us and waved. The Boy called out his farewell "baaa!" with a wave and a grin like he was getting out of jail. The cute resident appeared to open doors for us. We were a one man parade: he the parade master and me the float driver. And this is how it's going to be from now on. I wish I had a picture but I don't have enough hands.
i just love reading about him :)
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