Aldi In A Day's Work

We went to Aldi today to get groceries. If you've never been, their prices are great but the experience is.....not.  There are no luxuries. Food is displayed in the boxes it came in, the unlabeled aisles are crowded, you have to pay for bags if you don't bring your own, and you bag your own cart (which you have to rent for a quarter, by the way). There is no deli, bakery, or pharmacy. You don't go to Aldi looking for cardamoms, wheat germ, or organic grass fed beef.  You get your staples and you get out of there. 

So today it seemed like a good idea to take The Boy to Aldi. He was covered in a Pig Pen-esq small cloud of dirt and had a runny nose and a stained shirt, evidence of his playdate with his 3 year old cousin this afternoon:

This is unrelated to the story, but The Boy tries to mimic everything his cousin does. Even peeing outside. He has no clue what's going on here, but he wants in on the action. 

As we navigated the small and crowded store he refused to have any item sit in the front of the cart with him yet he wanted to hold each one. So I'd put some fruit snacks in the back of the cart, he'd yell "ehhhhh!" which means "I'd like to see that with my hands, please"and then he'd try to open them OR narrate the contents of the box "Appul..... appul..... appul..... appul..... appul." This would continue until he'd had enough and threw the box on the floor, or until I'd had enough and threw it in the cart. Some items snuck past this process, but each of the cold ones had to be inspected, announced "DOLD!" and then inventoried in the cart. He also loudly announced (often erroneously) the items we were passing. Turkeys were balls, anything canned was a bean, and all fruit were apples. If he wasn't sure about what something was he'd just yell out "dat" aka "that". We got lots of fresh veggies, good cheese, and salad dressing to make a nice salad for dinner. I don't do meat, and The Husband wouldn't go for just a salad for dinner, so his would feature fried chicken tenders on top.  

You can imagine how delightful this type of trip is. I turned my head to grab something off the shelf and a stranger said to me "that is SO cute!" I turned back around and The Boy was sitting in the cart with a box on his head. He stayed like that for a whole aisle, and peeked through to make sure people were impressed. They were. 

The O.J. has apparently been granted a reprieve. 

We were in the long line to check out and someone was getting very impatient and began fussing. A nice employee appeared from nowhere and opened a new lane for us. I was very appreciative. As I was putting my items on the conveyer belt a lady stood behind my cart and held on to the handlebar. Right where my kid was. TOO CLOSE. In my head I started calling her the CLOSEr. I pulled the cart forward from the back. Then, as I was still unloading my cart full of groceries, she started to put her food on the belt too. They were both racing toward the cashier when the CLOSEr picked up one of the stick dividers and THREW IT THROUGH THE AIR to land between our food on the belt. She was talking to The Boy the whole time, and he was largely ignoring her. "It's okay if you're being shy with me today," she said like they were old army buddies. Not only was I creeped out, I also had no where to put the rest of my groceries. Hers were taking up the whole conveyer belt and I wasn't finished unloading. I had to hand each of my remaining items over the register to the cashier. Meanwhile, the CLOSEr was telling The Boy that she'd purchased more than she'd really meant to. Giggle! Twi. Light. Zone. In my fight to get my food on the conveyer belt I'd forgotten to purchase bags. The cashier rang up all my food and was putting it, unbagged, in another cart. All this just for a good salad? 

Now, I've misplaced my debit card  I'm between debit cards, so I had to write a check like it's 1993 I've been using this as an opportunity to teach The Boy about checks. As I was making out my check the CLOSEr was right up on me, breathing her breath on me, and no doubt trying to steal my identity.  As I was writing the check she said "today's the 26th" even though I did not ask her the date. It's as if she wanted us to be those conjoined twins from TLC who operate one body from two heads. I did not tell her thank you. 

I finished my transaction and was assessing my situation: my kid and bag in one cart, with another cart filled with food. I was trying to push them both forward so I could consolidate when the CLOSEr edged me out. What is it with this woman? She bid The Boy farewell and told him that he was very funny. Afraid of a potential Amber Alert, I scooped my kid and my bag into my arms and held them both as I pushed the other cart outside. The Boy wanted to help, so I held him while he pushed the cart. I was doing the parental secret steer even while I juggled everything so he wouldn't steer us into a car. Then he said "beaut!....beaut!.....beaut!" I kept pushing. He turned to face me and said "beaut!!" with a sense of urgency. I looked around to see what he was telling me, and saw his boot had fallen off and had been abandoned in the parking lot. Beaut = boot. 

We went back for the boot. I loaded The Boy in the car. He wanted his ball. When I stood in the back seat to look for it I fell onto The Boy and his seat, which caused him to laugh hysterically. I nursed my wounds and went back to the cart to unload my unbagged food into my car. Somehow bread and chips ended up on the bottom with milk and juice on top. Obviously I'm not cut out for this. I found a bag of homemade chex mix in the back and tore into it. We went home to unload and start dinner. See this post for what that usually looks like at my house. 

I chopped vegetables (or as my south american college roommate would say "bedgetables") and got all the salad fixings ready. Then, as I went to pull the chicken tenders out of the freezer I couldn't find them. Hmmm. Someone must've eaten them all, and I should've checked before we went to the store. I combed the freezer for another suitable replacement. Surely there's something. This would just have to do. 

When the Husband came home:

Husband: Hey hon. How was your day? 

Husband (to the boy): Whoa! You are disgusting!

Boy: Da-da. 

Me: Good. 

Husband: What's for dinner? 

Me: This delicious salad with fresh veggies! 

Husband raises eyebrows. 

Me: Don't worry, yours also has................................dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets on top! 

How's that for delicious? And he ate every bite.