Cartoons: More Drama Than Jersey Shore

We watch more TV than I’d ever thought we would. Of course, I had high expectations of making my own finger puppets and organic whole grain chicken nuggets, and a baby nursery that was pristine and that stuff rarely pans out either. My mom fantasy also included me never getting frustrated and losing it and having a toddler that never whines. It was all hugs and giggles and appreciation all day long. 

Enter reality. Enter television. It’s not that we watch a ton of TV, but I do use it strategically on the days that I’d like to get dressed, for example, or take a shower, or cook some dinner. So I've gotten to know some kid shows. We're selective in what we let him watch (He'll tell you Spiderman is "too 'cary") but don't let anyone tell you kids shows are wholesome. They've got DRAMA like you wouldn't believe. So if you're thinking you'll have to give up all your trashy reality tv when you have kids..... you will, in all honesty. But you'll find some drama in the kid shows too. For example....

Sid The Science Kid

First off, Sid's hair looks like Beefaroni in a can, circa 1990. Maybe beefaroni still looks like Sid's hair, but I haven't had any since 1990. I think this may be an attempt at dreadlocks, but I'm not sold. 

And why are there only 4 kids in Sid's class? What district does Teacher Susie work in, that she can have a 4:1 ratio? If Sid's parents are shelling out thousands of dollars each year for him to be in a semi-private, exclusive small montessori environment is that what's forcing dad to dress like a lumberjack? Y'all-- either Sid is in a super elite private school or......

 he's in a self contained special ed classroom. Can we request an IEP meeting, please?? 

Caillou

Caillou is whiney, he doesn't like to try new things, and he be getting on my nerves. He's just a boy who's four, each day he grows some more....then why doesn't he have any hair? Even his ginger baby sister Rosie has a head full. If Caillou has alopecia we need to start organizing a BBQ fundraiser ASAP. 

Dinosaur Train

Um, can we talk about the prehistoric elephant in the room, here? Mrs. Pteranodon had four eggs in her nest. Three hatched that look just like her husband Mr. Pteranodon, and then the last hatched and was a T-Rex. A T-Rex, people. And Mr. Pteranodon wasn't even mad? You know he resents that kid, whether he says it or not. Look at his angry eyes in that picture. And then they have to travel with all four of those kids on the Dinosaur Train, which you know is all because of the T-Rex kid that can't fly. So now he's shelling out major bucks all the time to transport his family all over the Jurassic Period with someone else's kid he's raising, who by the way, might grow up to eat them all. And no one seems to notice.

Super Why

Super Wyatt is a narcissistic, needy, reading super hero. Everything is always about him, and his low-self-esteem-sidekicks just go along with it. For example, here's his theme song: "Who's got the power, the power to read? Who looks into books for the answers we need? Super Why! Super Why! Super Why and the Super Readers...Adventure waits when you're with Super Why!" We get it, you're super, and you tolerate the other ones. 

You can tell by his picture that this power has gone to his huge, oblong head. He's the friend who always needs a late-night ride home and never answers the phone when you need one. Every episode Wyatt has a problem that he needs his friends to help him with, and the friends all read to find a solution.  Once the pig had a problem too, and I expect that Wyatt kicked him out of the show after that. Because he does not need any needy friends. 

Curious George

Is it just me, or is the Man in The Yellow Hat a little slow? In all these years he's never caught on that his monkey gets in trouble EVERY SINGLE TIME HE'S UNSUPERVISED. Every episode the man forgets. Is this soap-opera-worthy amnesia? Dun dun dun. That would explain why he wears the same outfit everyday, he forgot he just wore it yesterday. And the day before. I also find it odd that he has no name. Man, you're way more than just a man with a yellow hat! You're a good friend, and a good cook, and you're some sort of researcher or something. Don't let your hat define you! And, if I was going to define him with just one identifier, I think it'd be safer to call him The Man With The Only Monkey in All Of Manhattan.

Surely I can't be the only parent seeing all these things play out in kid shows, right? 

Amiright? 

Anyone? 

Bueller?