Preparing for Parenthood- Life Before and After Kids

We get it. Life changes when you have kids. It's amazing. I've never felt as high as I did the day I saw my first child. We thought it wouldn't change much. Then priorities shift, schedules shift, friendships change, and before you know it your BK (before kids) life feels a lot different than your AK (after kids) life.

Three years later I cried the first time I held his brother. We learned a lot with the first, and we have so far done some things differently with the second. We also set the bar kind of low to start with, not really realizing it gets lower with the next.  Here are some other specifics on the shifts we've noticed going from no kids to one kid to two kids.


Food preparation:
Before children: Menus planned for the week according to what's on sale and has a corresponding coupon from the coupon binder. Potluck poker night with friends on Wednesdays. Eat out on the weekends.

First child: Buy organic fruits and vegetables and make homemade baby food that the baby will feed to the dog.

Second child: Make one serving of homemade baby food, which he will hate. Give up and give him exclusive table foods starting at 6 months. I'm sure french fries are fine. You'll never see your poker friends again.

Trash truck comes at 8:30 am. 
Before children: Ugh. WHY does it have to come so early? Some people are trying to sleep in.

First child: Ugh. WHY does it have to come so late? It's right in the middle of his morning nap, and it might wake him up.

Second child: Ugh. You didn't put the trash out. Also, you are now thankful for the 90 seconds of entertainment that the trash truck brings.

Naps
Before children: Leisurely nap anytime you feel like it. You are practically a cat.

First child: You are a slave to the nap gods. If your child does not get a nap the world will implode. You must be home in time for nap. If for some reason you are not home in time for nap and your child falls asleep in the car, DO NOT LEAVE THE CAR. Sit in the car in the driveway until the child awakens.

Second child: Naps are still important, but not always feasible. Sorry that it's time for your morning nap, but it's time to take your brother to preschool. Sorry that it's time for your afternoon nap but it's time to pick your brother up from preschool. You got 5 minutes of sleep in the car? That oughta do it.

Contents of your diaper bag: 
Before children: No diaper bag. Knockoff designer purse from Chinatown contains wallet, keys, phone, and old receipts you don't need.

First child: All the contents of your former purse are now in the diaper bag along with diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, teethers, and bottles. And old receipts you don't need.

Second child: Is this a diaper bag or an overnight bag? Two pirates, a motorcycle, tissues, a pair of shoes, a batman, two tampons, fruit snacks, an apple, Wonder Woman, the baby's plastic keys, a phone charger, and sour gummies. You think there might be a diaper in there somewhere too.

Punctuality
Before children: You are chronically punctual.

First child: No doubt the kid needed something on the way out the door, or nap time ran later than usual. You remind people of how you used to be chronically punctual as you show up a few minutes late.

Second child: One refused to get ready and one refused to be put down. One HAD to go back to find their special Batman, and the other pooped up his back and needed a fresh outfit. What time was the meeting again? Maybe we can email during nap time.

Contents of your car:
Before children: Files from work. A smoothie cup from this morning. Three changes of clothes for you in the trunk of your civic, just in case. You know you won't be the kind of parent that "thinks they have to have an SUV just because they have a baby."

First child: Crumbs. Everywhere. Stroller. Car seat. Diaper bag. Books. You buy an SUV because you have a baby. You keep extra diapers in the back, just in case.

Second child: Crumbs. Everywhere. Two car seats. Superheroes. School bag. Diaper bag. Art project that school sent home. A Harry Potter wand. Car rider pickup name sign roughly the size of a billboard. Diapers and two pair of toddler underwear in the back, just in case.

Presentation: 
Before children: Cute outfit. Oops, I spilt a little of my lunch on my shirt!

First child: Get to work and notice you left the house with spit up on you at least once a week.  The baby looks cute at drop off, but has on one shoe and no shirt by the time you pick him up. You'll get home from the grocery store and realize your yoga pants were on inside out.

Second child: Continual paste of goldfish and slobber on something of yours somewhere. Both kids look cute at drop off, but big kid got paint on his clothes, and the backup clothes from his bag are too small. At pickup he's sporting what are now capri pants and a midriff shirt. The baby had no backup clothes in his bag and after a diaper leaked he's forced to wear someone else's girl jeans with heart pockets.

Head Injuries:
Before children: There are no head injuries in your life.

First child: Falls out of his high chair and no one was watching. You call a friend who is an ER doc, and text two EMTs you know. You really feel terrible about the injury.

Second child: At his well checkup, you mention that he fell and hit his head 48 hours ago. He's okay, right? You feel a little bad that you kind of forgot about it until now.


Condition of your house:
Before children: The house is such a mess. There are bills stacked in the kitchen and laundry that needs folding. Whew!

First child: Once child is on the move, you put up so many gates the house looks like the stalls at the Kentucky Derby. There are baby toys everywhere. And bills stacked in the kitchen and laundry that needs folding.

Second child: There are baby toys everywhere. And big kid toys everywhere. And the babysitter texted to say sorry they threw a deck of cards all over the upstairs. And clothes discarded in heaps on the floor that look like the rapture has occurred and you've been left behind. And bills stacked in the kitchen and laundry that needs folding.

Social Life: 
Before children: You don't even realize how cool you are. You go out with friends, you go to weddings all the time, you host dinner parties and themed birthday parties for yourself. You're friends with drag queens. You take trapeze lessons and do standup comedy, and you know top 40 songs and pop culture references. If someone invites you to do something, you say yes and then you do it.

First child: You now realize how cool you used to be. You know Sesame Street references and top 40 songs from last year.  You go to baby showers all the time.  If someone invites you to do something you wonder if it will interfere with nap time. Then you check with your husband to see if he's cool if you go.

Second child: You know all the superheroes and their alter egos. You only know top 40 songs from the 90s. You go to kid birthday parties all the time. You watch standup comedy on Netflix. If someone invites you to do something, you check with your husband to see if he's cool if you go. Then you spend the next 45 minutes trying to get a babysitter because your husband has to work at that time. You text 14 people to see who's available. You see if your friend can move the time to accommodate the sitter's schedule. Then, when you're about to leave someone throws up and you have to cancel on everyone anyway.


This is why we aren't having any more children. We don't have much room for decline. In fact, I bet even the Duggars used to be cool before they had all those kids.

It happens before you know it.