Our kids are now 11 and 8, which turns out means they're big kids. More responsible, more independent, more understanding of the way the world works. So whereas many of our quotes from when they were younger was us creating rules (like my favorite: "if you're going to put a lizard on anyone's penis it has to be your own") or explaining to them the way the world works ("pop is my dad. That's how we know him"). Now, however, I feel like it's more of us saying WHAT are you doing? You know that's not how the world works, or I no longer have answers for your questions as you've grown smarter than me. Here are our 2022 parent quotes, taken out of context.
You can name your dog whatever you want when you’re twenty.
You can only have one communion. I don’t know the protocol on getting seconds on the blood of Christ.
Sex is not a bad word. Alcohol is just for adults, does that make it a bad word?
Garbanzo, not Cordoza
I don’t think you can get lice in your nose hair. But honestly I’ve never considered it.
Whose toothbrush case has Chex cereal in it?
Passengers are not allowed to ride in the trunk, I'm pretty sure.
I don’t really want to put a video on the internet of y’all fighting over a pancake mustache!
You have to actually move the toothbrush
Did you use all the wax for your brother's braces to make candles?!
You shampooed your arm pit? With shampoo?
Are you brushing your teeth or playing a flute?
Today is March. So we don’t have to decide today, in March, what you want to eat on NYE.
You don’t need to take a jump rope to a rodeo.
You have to wear underwear for a field trip. Every time.
Put the flute down and brush your teeth.
Everyone just gets one birthday a year
I don’t think the chickens are going to let you lasso them.
If you are playing a flute you aren’t brushing your teeth.
I can’t make a restaurant show us their potatoes before you order.
If you are playing the flute you are not brushing your teeth.
When you walk in circles around the kitchen while you eat your rice it spills everywhere instead of in just one spot.
If you want an ice cream sundae you can be a teacher when you grow up and you can get an ice cream sundae during teacher appreciation week.
Why is there a lizard tail on the kitchen counter?
We don’t have to decide while we’re at the ER in June how and when we’re going to celebrate your birthday in august
You’re not going to need a light saber at a funeral
Why did you bring dental floss to baseball practice?
I’m not really sure if flies have necks or not
You’re not eating hand fulls of ice out of the freezer
But is it really sharing if you said he can’t touch any?
No one wants to sit on a pile of toenails. That would be a terrible surprise.
I don’t want to argue with you about the physics of a crescent roll.
I don’t think a vet will give a mouse a rabies shot.
You’ve had all day. Why do you need to be "superior to oz" right at dinner?
You don’t poot on our counter!
We can buy some dishes for you to “customize” but you are not going to draw on my good china.
You can’t brush your teeth with gum in your mouth.
I told you to get a snack bc you didn’t eat breakfast and it will be awhile until we have lunch…and you chose cough drops?!?!
My job is to keep you healthy and safe. It is not to cut every stick you find into the perfect size.
How did you get a splinter in your tongue??
I don’t know much about dog belly buttons.
Link to 2021 quotes here if you want to see the historical quotes.
