10 Dumb Things I Said Before I Had A Baby

Dumb Thing #1: We won't be quiet when he takes a nap so he can learn to sleep anywhere.

Reality: Flash to me sitting on the floor beside his crib with my face pressed up against the rails so he can feel my face as he falls asleep. Also flash to me glaring at The Husband because HOW DARE HE open the door to come inside when he got home, when he knew The Boy was asleep. Even the dog tiptoes during nap time.

Dumb Thing #2: I won't use the TV as a babysitter.

Reality: Unless I need to take a shower. Or get dressed. Or dry my hair. Or cook dinner. Or do laundry. Or make an important phone call. Yo, Gabba Gabba, here we come.

Dumb Thing #3: I will breastfeed exclusively and it will be a peaceful, wonderful bonding experience that both baby and mom will enjoy.

Reality: We both cried every time, and not in the good way. As much as I wanted it to work, it wasn't for us. See this post for more.

Dumb Thing #4: I won't buy any newborn clothes because I'm sure he's going to be big.

Reality: My almost 9 month old is still in 3-6months clothes.

Dumb Thing #5 (this is perhaps the dumbest): "Mom, it's not like you can breastfeed him, so what exactly are you going to do if you spend the night?"

Reality: There were some nights when he was new that I wish the entire hospital staff had come home with us.

Dumb Thing #6: We're not going to do it the way ourparents/family/friends/strangers did it.

Reality: Short of child abuse or neglect, I will never judge another person's parenting decisions again. You do what you've gotta do.

Dumb Thing #7: We aren't going to let the dog get in his face.

Reality: The Boy gets in the dog's face all the time. He tries to poke her eyes and grabs fistfuls of fur. We try to minimize it, but it's inevitable.

Dumb Thing #8: I'm not going to be one of those people who feels like I need an SUV just because I had a baby.

Reality: I doubled my carbon footprint upgraded from a Honda Civic to a 7 passenger Mercury Mountaineer when he was 4 months old.

Dumb Thing #9: Because I was a teenager when my sister was born, I know what it's like to have a baby.

Reality: That is just dumb. I feel like I should use you're and your appropriately now just to prove to you I do, indeed, have working brain cells.

Dumb Thing # 10: I'll make sure he eats a well-balanced diet.

Reality: Here's The Boy at 8 months having guacamole and waffles for dinner.

Never say never!