All Those In Favor Say Eye

My mom had eye surgery so she couldn't keep The Boy last week (doing well, thanks for asking). The discharge paperwork said that the eye should not be gouged out by eight month old fingers for at least seven days, which prohibited her from keeping The Boy, since he goes straight for the face every time. It also said not to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds, so we just barely made it into that category too. I also found out that I get nauseous any time anyone talks about anything related to the inner workings of the eye. As the surgeon is giving a recap of the surgery is not a good time to find that out.

 

Because we are so fortunate to have family child care every single day we don't have to rely much on sitters. My two standby sitters both had midterms, so they couldn't keep him. My dad and Kim kept him one day and overnight one night but I still had a few gaps to fill. So I called Amy for the first time. Amy is a volunteer with the Cottage and CASA, so I knew 1. she had a background check, 2. she knew what to do in case of an emergency, and 3. had at least interacted with kids before. In short, she was probably overqualified to keep my kid. I'd worked with Amy before at the Cottage, and I knew she kept my friend Lori's son sometimes. As luck had it she was available.

Amy came over before I needed to leave and I gave her the rundown. I told her my mom was at home recuperating but was available if she had any questions during the day.

Amy: The recuperation time for cataract surgery isn't that bad. My roommate had to have it and she was better within a week.
Me: Oh really?
Amy: Yeah. She's not old or anything. She had an eye injury and had to have cataract surgery as a result. (I should've changed the subject here).
Me: What kind of eye injury did she have?
(I'm a therapist so sometimes I think it's okay to get in people's business)

Amy: I dropped a fork in her eye.

I am not kidding. That's what she said. Just minutes before I left my baby alone with her. For the first time. For three days in a row.

Me: What?!?!
Amy: Yeah. I thought her family was going to hate me forever but they've been really nice about it.
Me: It must have been terrible for both of you. (I should've changed the subject here)
Amy: Yeah, and the worse part is that when the police came,
Me: -The Police Came? (I should've changed the subject here)
Amy: Yeah, they got there before the ambulance.
Me: And an ambulance (or here)
Amy: Because I called 911, because of all the blood. I was freaking out. (Insert nausea here) And when the police got there, they were asking me all these questions like why was she at my house and how did it happen and everything, and I just wanted the ambulance to get there so they could work on her.
Me: Wow. The Police were interviewing you as a suspect in a domestic violence case against your roommate.
Amy: So as a result of that she had a detached retina and had to have several surgeries, one of which was cataracts.

Indeed. Mentally scanning the room for any sharp objects, I FINALLY changed the subject and showed her again where all the emergency numbers were. I thought to myself, at least she's had experience calling 911 when necessary. Told her the names of the neighbors, pointed to the list on the fridge that included our address and preferred hospital, just in case. And then I left my baby with her. He was obviously fine, and he lit up the next two days when she came back over. Accidental eye stabbings must not register on babies' radars. Or on background checks.