The Nephew

The Nephew is three. He's hilarious. Here's an exchange that happened when he was two and I was pregnant with The Boy.

Nephew (staring at my stomach): Open your belly.
(I pulled up my shirt)
Nephew: No. Open it so I can see the baby.
Me: I can't. He's not finished growing yet, he has to stay in a little longer.
Nephew: How is he going to get out of there?
Me: How do you think he's going to get out of there?
Nephew: I think it's gonna crack open like an egg.

Genius, right? And it makes about as much sense as what really happens.



He was about two and a half and The Boy was about 3 months when he got in trouble for scratching my brother-in-law's guitar. Here's how that went down.
B-I-L: What happened to my guitar?
Nephew: I don't know.
B-I-L: You don't know? I think you do.
Nephew. Yeah, um, maybe The Boy did it.
B-I-L: The Boy?!
Nephew: Yes, maybe he was walking around the house and he accidentally bumped it into the wall. In Athens.
B-I-L: So The Boy can walk now?
Nephew: Yes. Very slowly.

So my sister-in-law called and left me a voice mail saying that even though The Boy couldn't yet sit or stand or walk or talk, The Nephew was throwing him under the bus already. Of course we thought it was hilarious and decided to play along. I left her a voice mail saying that I was SO sorry that The Boy scratched the guitar and that we made The Boy sit lay in time out for making that bad choice. We also stressed that The Boy should be honest. She reported the same to The Nephew, who looked guilty but did not fess up.

So we upped the ante. A few weeks later we saw them and The Husband told The Nephew that he'd been thinking about it, and it wasn't a good choice, so he was going to give The Boy a spanking. He stressed the honesty bit again. The Nephew looked panicked. The Husband started to walk out of the room, allegedly to spank the baby. We all waited with baited breath to see how The Nephew would respond. "Wait!" he said. "He didn't do it!!" He wouldn't let The Boy take the fall after all. "Who did?" my sister-in-law asked. We were all proud that he was going to be honest about his mistake.
He thought quickly and replied "The niece!"


The Nephew, The Boy, and my two nieces on Easter