As this year comes to a close and we reflect on 2018, I am reminded that both boys started at new schools (one was due to rezoning, one was due to the former school closing) and have made new friends, though they both miss their old ones. We have escaped another year (fingers crossed) with no broken bones or trips to the ER. We've made many fun memories with family and friends, and are grateful for our village. On paper it may seem to an outsider that we've really hit a stride with this parenting thing and that we've figured out the basics. Lest you ever think we've got it all together, I've compiled our annual list (you can find last year's quotes here) of quotes that the husband or I have said to or about our kids, and I present those out of context for you here. This has become one of my favorite traditions, writing down the things I hear come out of our mouths and then reading them all at the end of the year. I promise these are real words we have uttered in 2018. There are probably more, but I was too preoccupied to write or remember them. I present those to you here with outtakes from our Christmas card photo shoot.
I’m not in charge of why certain things are called specific words. If you have an issue with it...write your senator.
Winning doesn’t matter, it’s all about having fun and getting dirty.
I don’t think Prissy wants to surf.
It’s like your chair has a jack in the box spring that keeps pushing you out.
This restaurant has a no wrestling rule.
Scissors aren’t for cutting bananas.
Giving it back is part of sharing. Otherwise it’s called stealing.
Sorry we’re late. Had to pull over and take all the light sabers.
Don’t eat anything off any car, but especially a stranger’s car.
Don’t pet the dog with the oven mitt.
I don’t think Cheetos are made from cheetahs
Go put that back in the offering plate.
We don’t put fingers in our bottom, and if we do, we don’t wipe them on the wall.
Since we don't know whose cat that is, maybe we shouldn't put a coonskin hat on it. He or she might not like that.
If y’all don’t keep fighting over the tv you have to watch historical documentaries.
Why did you punch the frozen chicken? What did you think would happen?
No, no, no. I'm glad you weren't going to touch it with your hands, but the kitchen tongs are not for picking up a dead bird outside.
No parkour in the hotel.
You can’t harmonica with food in your mouth.
Most animals don’t go to college or have jobs, that’s the main reason a penguin can’t be a doctor.
If you want to touch someone’s privates, touch your own.
Quit putting cheez it’s in your arm pit.
Your jingle bell bow tie is not for Easter.
I don’t think people can sleep while they’re awake.
If you’re creating a worm memorial, it doesn’t need to be on the sidewalk right in front of the house. It doesn’t have to be in the exact spot he/she died.
I don’t think cantaloupe has a bone.
Someone has put your menstrual cup in the sink to stop it up and put a witch in there.
How did the toilet seat land on your shoulder if your head wasn’t in there?
When you get a job you can buy as many sparkling waters as you want.
No more sitting on heads tonight.
Don’t do that unless you’re drowning.
We don’t play games at funerals.
I can’t make the sun less hot.
We’re not driving a deer bone to the beach. Don’t eat near that deer bone.
It’s my job to keep you safe. It’s not my job to watch your show in the back seat while I’m driving.
We’ve at least got to make it look like you’ve had a bath this month.
I don’t think Guinean pigs can swim.
You've GOT to leave your shoes on in a porta potty.
Do you think the baby Jesus wants you to fight over a manger????
I don’t think dogs go to dog college.
That’s called a pay phone. Don’t put your train ticket in there.
We don’t have to fight over who gets the burnt taco shell. Everyone can get one.
The container of our ice cream maker is not a good place for a lizard to live. Find her a new home.
Don’t open closets at the White House.
The president doesn’t want you to pick your nose. And the secret service is watching.
You don’t have to be making an animal noise every second you’re awake
You don’t need a drill for brushing teeth
Please don’t wake your brother up in the night to ask him to help you find a bandaid you lost in the bed.
It’s not a competition of who has the sharpest teeth.
Don’t put your booger in my nose.
No humans are smaller than a mouse.
You cannot be dead for the Christmas card picture. Come back to life.
Don’t put roast on the dog.
If I can hear you yodeling it lets me know you are not brushing your teeth.
Don’t steal a car is a rule everyday, not just on Christmas Eve.
Did you just lick the rain off the car? Tell the truth.
I don’t think there were elephants there when Jesus was born.
Don’t cut the trolls hair with nail clippers.
How do you both have trail mix in your underwear?
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