2019 Quotes

 Usually I do our annual quotes post at the end of the year, but this year I am late with it. Tis the season to forget things, and to be busy, and to be doing well just to get the boys back to school on the right day. I am so grateful to have some routine back, because as great as the holidays are, it's hard when you don't know what day it is or if it's AM or PM. So here are our parent quotes from 2019, taken out of context: 

2019 quotes
Why is there a cricket in this bag?

You have to wear a helmet if you’re making a death ride. 

I don’t think there are churches underground, even for moles. 

Worship is not an appropriate place to play with your penis. 

Do not wipe your nose in the carpet. 

No more fart noises. 

Your mama jokes to your brother is also an insult to yourself. 

Please don’t fork the blinds.  

You have to ask someone if they want to eat something, not just put it in their mouth. That’s called consent. 

Is that shaving cream in your pocket? 

Don’t put someone else’s teeth in your mouth. 

I don’t think fish know about funnel cakes. 

I can handle blood and boogers and broken bones, but I cannot handle loose teeth. 

Go get your snorkel, I think you left it in the bath tub. 

A Dr. Suess hat is an interesting choice to wear to the water park. 

How do you know crawfish like beef jerky?

You're right, it wouldn’t be very safe to start your car if it was sitting on top of another car. 

I’d like to take a shower. Go ask your daddy how babies are made. 

We are not going to fight over fake communion bread. 

Please take that sword out of your bottom. 

It’s not just keep your hands to yourself, it’s also keep your heads to yourself. 

It’s not polite to ask strangers for popsicles. 

Having a bulldog lick your hands is not the same as washing with soap and water. 

I didn’t mean that. It’s your job to know what I mean when I talk. 

Yes, I guess a baby could fit on a saddle on a coyotes back. 

Did you tell them not to stab that baby?

No part of anyone else’s body needs to be in your mouth. 

I don’t think you can get seconds on communion. 

Mostly you cannot get human meat at any stores. 

Quit punching biscuits. 

Quit killing each other and eat your breakfast. 

When I say to get dressed, what makes you think you should parachute a guy and make fart noises? 

Do not eat anymore dog treats. 

Dogs noses are different than human noses, so prissy might not realize your breath is minty even though you want her to. 

You may not use a pineapple as a soccer ball in the house. 

It’s very hard to cut toenails that are moving. 

Do you know why there are acorns in the plunger?

Just move your tail to the side to buckle your seat belt. 

Please put that booger down. 

I accidentally whipped him with a slim jim. 

What is this splash on the ceiling and the wall that no one knows anything about? 

How is it that y’all came in here 7 times during my 4 minute shower?

You can’t put the frogs in the bath with you because soap is probably not good for them....yes, you have to use soap. 

Elf Pregnancy

We went to see Santa at the 5 Points Athens Holiday Bash. He was a great Santa,  a real North Pole professional that you could tell was one of the elite Santas sent for such important missions. We were one of the firsts in line to see him, and the boys talked to him and told him what they wanted. Santa joked with them, told The Boy that he wished he could wear shorts in December, but Mrs. Claus won't let him. He told Beyoyo to make sure our elves were able to come back with him on Christmas Eve.

Beyoyo said "one of our elves is sick!" Santa said "oh no! You better make sure that one can come back, so nobody catches it." Beyoyo didn't miss a beat. He said "we can't catch it! She's PREGNANT!" This Santa was a real pro, but for a split second there was a panic in his eye. He glanced at us, the parents of these children with the pregnant elf, wondering if we knew that our elf was pregnant, and maybe wondering how that happens. I nodded my head and said yes, she is indeed pregnant. Santa, magical man that he is, picked right back up where he left off, and said for us to make sure to take good care of her. Here's how the whole pregnancy unfolded.

We thought when they first arrived that Katya looked a little different. 

Then we discovered she was sick. 

They made her a makeshift bed out of some goggles, and Elfis appeared to be taking care of her. 

He filled up the pill organizer with candy, which maybe is what elves use for medicine?

Then we got a real clue about what was going on with her. She must be pregnant! The Boy said that she wasn't pregnant, because he looked up her shirt and it was just a wadded up plastic bag in there. I said maybe elves don't do things the same way humans do?

The next day the boys found them in the laundry room playing "corn hole"

After that, Katya needed a foot massage. Being pregnant is hard work. 

They must be nesting!

Nutella and beef jerky! No clue if this is pregnancy cravings or a normal elf combination. 

Hormones do funny things sometimes. We're not sure what happened here. 

Seems like their bags are packed! Where are they headed? And why is there a trumpet??

The next day they had set up some sort of makeshift medical facility in the bathroom. We didn't know if it was a regular prenatal visit, or if they were at the hospital waiting for baby's arrival. We waited impatiently.

The next day, Katya was in a tub and Elfis had a large watch. A water birth! We didn't see that one coming. We gave them some privacy and checked on them periodically.

Imagine our excitement when two additional elves appeared! These must've been a doula and midwife sent from the north pole to help with the elf birth! This might be TMI, but if you look closely, you can see a tiny red elf hat crowning.

On 12/12 at 12:00 midnight, Elfis and Katya's baby arrived. I erroneously thought it was a boy, but the boys corrected me.

The new baby was healthy, and weighed in at a whopping 0.0 pounds.

The proud parents celebrated with champagne jelly beans. Katya was feeling the sacred feminine power of all the strong women who came before her.

The boys named the baby GIRL Peppermint Toothpaste Magness.

The new parents had lots of friends drop by, and someone brought a gift- a moby wrap for baby wearing!

Baby Peppermint got her first bath! And The Boy suggested that really she looks much more like his plush toy elf than either of her parents. Awkward.

Day 3 they tried to get back into the holiday spirit, but Katya couldn't quit crying. The baby blues had hit! She was going to go to a new mom's group at reBlossom mama baby shop the next day, so that should help.

Katya met up with some other mom friends at the park. She was feeling self conscious about being the biggest mom there, but her friends reminded her to reject the social constructs about feminine size and beauty, and remember how strong and powerful her body is.

They posed for their first holiday photos as a family of three.

And I guess they were caught up in the magic of the holidays, or the magic of being a family, because THEY GOT A PUPPY. Probably they couldn't resist a rescue dressed in a holiday hat. Rookie mistake.

And I guess they were caught up in the magic of the holidays, or the magic of being a family, because THEY GOT A PUPPY. Rookie mistake.

Elfis took Peppermint out for a bit for Katya to get some much-needed rest. Someone said to him that it's great that he's helping Katya with Peppermint so much. In his friendliest elf way, Elfis responded "I'm not "helping" Katya with Peppermint because Peppermint isn't Katya's baby for me to help with. She's our daughter who we are raising together." :) #dadsareparentstoo

The elves left a note that baby Peppermint will go back to the north pole to start training how to be a scout elf at someone else's house next year, so we should say goodbye to her. They thanked us for helping to take care of her, but Beyoyo pointed out we didn't actually do anything because her elf parents did all the work. Goodbye, Peppermint!


Because we had to say goodbye to Peppermint, Santa left each of the boys a little Peppermint-sized elf keychain in their stockings so we can remember her always.