The Next Greatest Generation

A few years before my granddad died I wrote down the story of his life. With his permission and help, I started from the beginning, and detailed his family's sharecropping and living in the great depression, his signing up for the selective service while still in high school and getting drafted in WWII, his working on President Roosevelt's personal yacht, and his coming home and marrying my grandmother and raising a family together (I posted an abridged version here if you're interested).  Despite the hardships he went through, he talked about how blessed he was to be given such a great life. He was a shining example of the greatest generation, having lived through so much negative and having given so much positive.

Friday I lost it. I was overwhelmed by social distancing, so much togetherness with my people with no end in sight, while we both need to continue working from home, not wanting to expose grandparents and other potential caregivers to our germs, by the reality that this is our new reality. I was overwhelmed by conservative estimates that the death toll in the U.S. is expected to be 200,000 from corona virus this year- at least 200,000 people who are someone's loved ones with memories and stories and lives and Christmas lists, gone. I was overwhelmed by a therapy industry that was forced to go digital overnight, by keeping up with HIPAA laws that are changing daily, and by which insurance companies are covering telehealth sessions and which are not. I was overwhelmed by the hundreds of conversations happening online about which HIPAA-compliant video chat platforms were crashing at any given time because they were unprepared for the drastic increase in demand, and which insurance companies would not be reimbursing therapists who resorted to phone sessions to support clients in crisis because the systems failed. I was overwhelmed at my role in supporting and encouraging children and families in crisis, when I wasn't sure if I had the bandwith to be supportive or encouraging. I was sad for my clients who are anxious, scared, and suicidal, and I was anxious about what resources remain for these clients in a time where we are reducing and reserving so much. I was overwhelmed at the thought of what this is doing to so many small businesses in my community, many of whose owners I know and love. I was overwhelmed by raising children during a pandemic, and what the long term implications are for them academically, emotionally, physically, and socially. Friday was hard.

I know we are not at war, but there is something that feels war-like about our current life. Perhaps it is because this pandemic is affecting the entire world, perhaps it is because we are being forced to change our lives and live on less, maybe it is because the stakes are high and we are all bracing for the possibility that we will lose someone we know. I've thought about my grandparents, having grown up in the depression and a world war. How was it that my granddad, that so many of his generation, talked about that time as though it wasn't so bad? Did they have some sort of genetic mutation that allowed them to see the world differently? Was I an entitled Xennial pitching a fit when things got hard?

I really don't think so. I read an article this week about how we are collectively grieving, and many of us may be feeling anticipatory grief for what's to come. Those among us who are highly sensitive may feel heavy with the weight of the grief of others too. I'd also add that we're experiencing complicated grief because there is no end in sight, no closure, the continued grief looms over us indefinitely like a parent whose child's murderer is never found. We don't even know what to brace for because we don't know what's coming. When I stop to compare us to "the greatest generation" I think they likely went through much the same thing. If they were human they grieved, they were afraid, and they did not know what to expect. What a terrifying time to be alive.

You know why I think my granddad said his life wasn't that bad? Because I was asking him at least six decades later about these events. Who among us hasn't romanticized our pasts, forgotten the worst parts, and/or grown to have some perspective? Heck, sometimes I forget how hard it was to have an infant, much less go to war, and it's only been five years since I've had an infant.

I don't mean to minimize the sacrifices his generation made. I don't mean to neglect the hardships of growing up in the depression or offering your very life to serve your country. Surely nearly every family was affected by adversity, catastrophe, and misfortune during those days. But what are the chances that an entire generation was somehow cut out for that type of sacrifice at the exact time there was a depression and then a war?  I think they were shaped by the circumstances they were given instead of being innately prepared for them. I think they were afraid, and they did what they needed to do in that moment.

I've seen some posts on social media where people have said we need to just "think positively!" or "just turn off the news and you won't be anxious". That may be true for the authors of those posts, but it feels invalidating and dismissive to me. I don't think it's wrong that sometimes we feel scared or anxious or overwhelmed. I don't think always showing a positive attitude is genuine, or a good model to show kids healthy things to do when we don't feel our best. I don't think it's a sign that we are somehow weak or entitled to acknowledge that we are going through a really hard time. If there were ever a time to say we are anxious, wouldn't it be in the middle of a global pandemic?

I think if I had talked to my granddad in December 1941 he would have said he was scared. I think he would have said he didn't know what to do, and that he was taking it one day at a time. I imagine his five year old self didn't love helping on the farm. I think if I had talked to him when he was 8 he would have said that it sucked that his mom was sick, and it sucked that his family didn't have money and they had to wear clothes made from flour sacks. (Actually, I don't think he would have said "suck" ever because I think it was a swear word then, but the sentiment would have been the same). I think he would have complained about walking two and a half miles to school every day, and about checking rabbit traps on cold mornings. I'm pretty sure he would have complained about his mother making him return the apples he took from Mr. McKibbon's apple tree. If he didn't complain out loud, I bet he complained in his head. My granddad was amazing, but even I can admit he was human. He was an actual child who probably didn't enjoy many of the circumstances thrust upon him, and who could blame him?

I don't think my granddad's generation is called the greatest because they were positive or because they lacked fear or because they were prepared for the turmoil they faced. I think they were the greatest because they did what they needed to do, even when it was scary. They made sacrifices. They pooled resources. They showed kindness. They connected with each other.

I have also been overwhelmed by the positives, the beautiful, the good. In my community alone, I have seen massive initiatives to stay home to contain the spread of the virus. I have seen businesses voluntarily paying employees and ordering groceries for employees who they don't have enough work for. I have seen campaigns to save small businesses and to feed entire hospital departments. I have seen families sharing resources and offering to get groceries for each other. I have seen neighbors putting teddy bears in their windows so that kids can go on no-contact bear hunts. I have seen facebook posts of parents offering to show older neighbors how to navigate apps to order their groceries online, and spreadsheets of all the local service providers' venmo accounts so you can tip your favorite out-of-work hairdresser, bartender, or waitstaff. I have seen parades of teachers driving in student neighborhoods to wave and spread good cheer, and brigades of working-from-home adults working after hours to donate materials and sew cloth masks for medical personnel. These are the Rosie the Riviters among us. It is heartwarming and encouraging, cry-worthy and gorgeous. It is everything right with the world when it is so easy to be overwhelmed.

Brene Brown, who researches and writes about vulnerability and shame says that empathy "fuels connection", that it is "feeling with people", as opposed to sympathy which is feeling for people in a "bless their hearts" kind of way.  She talks about the four components of empathy-

1. taking the other person's perspective 

2. Withholding judgement 

3. Recognizing emotion in others, and 

4. Communicating that emotion. 

This is what I've seen in all the kindness that I mentioned above. Thinking about what other people are going through (medical personnel, students, older adults, small business owners, etc), withholding judgement about what they should or shouldn't be doing, recognizing how hard it might be for the other person, and then working to do something about it. Would we have this level of empathy and cohesion without the collective trauma and associated fear that comes with it? The irony is that social distancing is bringing us closer together as we are collectively acknowledging our grief and working to help others.

The greatest generation saw people lose jobs, businesses close, and the stock market tank. They entered into a war against a foreign enemy they did not know or understand. Lives were at stake, and people banded together to take care of each other. The world was changing faster than anyone could keep up with it. The entirety of this statement applies to us too, but we are united by more than just the circumstances.

We were not prepared. They were not prepared. We were not cut out for this. They were not either. We are afraid. So were they. They moved forward in spite of their fear, and so are we. We also have something they didn't- a great model for an inspirational generation that did amazing things when things got hard.

The new generation looks different from that of our ancestors (hello, internet!). They had the milkman delivering milk, we have instacart. They went to work, we are staying home. They went to town or church to see each other, we FaceTime. They walked to school, we have buses delivering lunches to students. They made clothes out of flour sacks, we're making masks out of leftover fabric. They respected teachers and doctors, and we're remembering how important these professionals are to us. They employed scientists to develop bombs, we're employing scientists to develop vaccines. They danced at the USO to improve morale, we're making tik tok videos and sharing them online. They had the Cold War, we're fighting a war against a cold.

It has only been two weeks, and already people have sprung to action in hospitals and homes and communities everywhere to take care of each other. We're already all those things we love about the greatest generation. Right now things suck. We're gonna say that things suck, acknowledge that they suck for others, and we're gonna hold onto each other during the suckiness.  We're going to take care of each other, and sixty years from now we're going to look back on this time and hopefully remember the heroes. We might even say it wasn't that bad.

BeYoYo, Beyblades, and Broccoli

Beyoyo is....something. He's in pre-k this year and loving life. When we pull up in the car rider line in the morning, he rolls down the windows and calls good morning to all the teachers on duty and his friends in other cars. He's holding court and thinks he is king.

Several times he has snuck a toy to school in his pocket. His teacher hasn't said anything about it, but we've asked him to stop taking toys to school. We've asked him in the mornings if he's got anything in his pockets, and he says no. Then two weeks ago, he came home with a toy that wasn't his. He said he traded another kid his beyblade tip (just the tip) for the other kid's whole beyblade. That's fine, except it was his brother's beyblade tip he traded, so he came out ahead a beyblade and his brother came out behind (and did not know about or consent to said trade). Turns out he was telling the truth that he had nothing in his pocket, because he had put it in his book bag instead.

So I emailed the teacher and told her that BeYoYo had created an underground toy trading ring, that we needed the Beyblade back, and was she allowed to give me the other kid's parent(s)' contact info? I hated to put her in the middle, but didn't have any other way to find out the email address or even the name of the parent. She emailed me back and gave me the mom's name and email address. I reached out and explained the situation, and asked her if she would mind returning the beyblade tip if she came across it. She graciously wrote back and said she had it and would send it in her kid's book bag. We sent the other beyblade back and the teacher facilitated the trade do-over.

Meanwhile, my mom found an old fur coat at her house and brought it over. Beyoyo was disappointed that it was for me and not for him.

I told him I'd share it with him and he could wear it anytime he wanted. He said "can I wear it to school tomorrow?" I laughed and said yes, but he did not follow through with that request. He must've been distracted by all the contraband he was sneaking in or something.

Last week he asked spontaneously if he could bring broccoli when he is snack helper. I was honestly proud that one of my kids has a diverse pallet, and said of course. His turn for snack was yesterday, so on Sunday I bought broccoli, brought it home, washed it, cut it into one million pieces, and then put it in 23 individual bags like we are supposed to do. Yesterday morning The Boy alerted us in his best big brother alarm that something was up, and Beyoyo spilled the beans that his request to take broccoli for snack was "payback" for another kid who brought a snack that Beyoyo didn't like one day. So this child plotted this payback for over a week, and then I unknowingly played right into his elaborate pre-k weeklong plan. If we're late to pre-k from now on, it might be because we're having to do full pat downs before school.

I've never seen The Godfather. Is this how it starts? Y'all pray for us with this one.

2019 Quotes

 Usually I do our annual quotes post at the end of the year, but this year I am late with it. Tis the season to forget things, and to be busy, and to be doing well just to get the boys back to school on the right day. I am so grateful to have some routine back, because as great as the holidays are, it's hard when you don't know what day it is or if it's AM or PM. So here are our parent quotes from 2019, taken out of context: 

2019 quotes
Why is there a cricket in this bag?

You have to wear a helmet if you’re making a death ride. 

I don’t think there are churches underground, even for moles. 

Worship is not an appropriate place to play with your penis. 

Do not wipe your nose in the carpet. 

No more fart noises. 

Your mama jokes to your brother is also an insult to yourself. 

Please don’t fork the blinds.  

You have to ask someone if they want to eat something, not just put it in their mouth. That’s called consent. 

Is that shaving cream in your pocket? 

Don’t put someone else’s teeth in your mouth. 

I don’t think fish know about funnel cakes. 

I can handle blood and boogers and broken bones, but I cannot handle loose teeth. 

Go get your snorkel, I think you left it in the bath tub. 

A Dr. Suess hat is an interesting choice to wear to the water park. 

How do you know crawfish like beef jerky?

You're right, it wouldn’t be very safe to start your car if it was sitting on top of another car. 

I’d like to take a shower. Go ask your daddy how babies are made. 

We are not going to fight over fake communion bread. 

Please take that sword out of your bottom. 

It’s not just keep your hands to yourself, it’s also keep your heads to yourself. 

It’s not polite to ask strangers for popsicles. 

Having a bulldog lick your hands is not the same as washing with soap and water. 

I didn’t mean that. It’s your job to know what I mean when I talk. 

Yes, I guess a baby could fit on a saddle on a coyotes back. 

Did you tell them not to stab that baby?

No part of anyone else’s body needs to be in your mouth. 

I don’t think you can get seconds on communion. 

Mostly you cannot get human meat at any stores. 

Quit punching biscuits. 

Quit killing each other and eat your breakfast. 

When I say to get dressed, what makes you think you should parachute a guy and make fart noises? 

Do not eat anymore dog treats. 

Dogs noses are different than human noses, so prissy might not realize your breath is minty even though you want her to. 

You may not use a pineapple as a soccer ball in the house. 

It’s very hard to cut toenails that are moving. 

Do you know why there are acorns in the plunger?

Just move your tail to the side to buckle your seat belt. 

Please put that booger down. 

I accidentally whipped him with a slim jim. 

What is this splash on the ceiling and the wall that no one knows anything about? 

How is it that y’all came in here 7 times during my 4 minute shower?

You can’t put the frogs in the bath with you because soap is probably not good for them....yes, you have to use soap. 

Elf Pregnancy

We went to see Santa at the 5 Points Athens Holiday Bash. He was a great Santa,  a real North Pole professional that you could tell was one of the elite Santas sent for such important missions. We were one of the firsts in line to see him, and the boys talked to him and told him what they wanted. Santa joked with them, told The Boy that he wished he could wear shorts in December, but Mrs. Claus won't let him. He told Beyoyo to make sure our elves were able to come back with him on Christmas Eve.

Beyoyo said "one of our elves is sick!" Santa said "oh no! You better make sure that one can come back, so nobody catches it." Beyoyo didn't miss a beat. He said "we can't catch it! She's PREGNANT!" This Santa was a real pro, but for a split second there was a panic in his eye. He glanced at us, the parents of these children with the pregnant elf, wondering if we knew that our elf was pregnant, and maybe wondering how that happens. I nodded my head and said yes, she is indeed pregnant. Santa, magical man that he is, picked right back up where he left off, and said for us to make sure to take good care of her. Here's how the whole pregnancy unfolded.

We thought when they first arrived that Katya looked a little different. 

Then we discovered she was sick. 

They made her a makeshift bed out of some goggles, and Elfis appeared to be taking care of her. 

He filled up the pill organizer with candy, which maybe is what elves use for medicine?

Then we got a real clue about what was going on with her. She must be pregnant! The Boy said that she wasn't pregnant, because he looked up her shirt and it was just a wadded up plastic bag in there. I said maybe elves don't do things the same way humans do?

The next day the boys found them in the laundry room playing "corn hole"

After that, Katya needed a foot massage. Being pregnant is hard work. 

They must be nesting!

Nutella and beef jerky! No clue if this is pregnancy cravings or a normal elf combination. 

Hormones do funny things sometimes. We're not sure what happened here. 

Seems like their bags are packed! Where are they headed? And why is there a trumpet??

The next day they had set up some sort of makeshift medical facility in the bathroom. We didn't know if it was a regular prenatal visit, or if they were at the hospital waiting for baby's arrival. We waited impatiently.

The next day, Katya was in a tub and Elfis had a large watch. A water birth! We didn't see that one coming. We gave them some privacy and checked on them periodically.

Imagine our excitement when two additional elves appeared! These must've been a doula and midwife sent from the north pole to help with the elf birth! This might be TMI, but if you look closely, you can see a tiny red elf hat crowning.

On 12/12 at 12:00 midnight, Elfis and Katya's baby arrived. I erroneously thought it was a boy, but the boys corrected me.

The new baby was healthy, and weighed in at a whopping 0.0 pounds.

The proud parents celebrated with champagne jelly beans. Katya was feeling the sacred feminine power of all the strong women who came before her.

The boys named the baby GIRL Peppermint Toothpaste Magness.

The new parents had lots of friends drop by, and someone brought a gift- a moby wrap for baby wearing!

Baby Peppermint got her first bath! And The Boy suggested that really she looks much more like his plush toy elf than either of her parents. Awkward.

Day 3 they tried to get back into the holiday spirit, but Katya couldn't quit crying. The baby blues had hit! She was going to go to a new mom's group at reBlossom mama baby shop the next day, so that should help.

Katya met up with some other mom friends at the park. She was feeling self conscious about being the biggest mom there, but her friends reminded her to reject the social constructs about feminine size and beauty, and remember how strong and powerful her body is.

They posed for their first holiday photos as a family of three.

And I guess they were caught up in the magic of the holidays, or the magic of being a family, because THEY GOT A PUPPY. Probably they couldn't resist a rescue dressed in a holiday hat. Rookie mistake.

And I guess they were caught up in the magic of the holidays, or the magic of being a family, because THEY GOT A PUPPY. Rookie mistake.

Elfis took Peppermint out for a bit for Katya to get some much-needed rest. Someone said to him that it's great that he's helping Katya with Peppermint so much. In his friendliest elf way, Elfis responded "I'm not "helping" Katya with Peppermint because Peppermint isn't Katya's baby for me to help with. She's our daughter who we are raising together." :) #dadsareparentstoo

The elves left a note that baby Peppermint will go back to the north pole to start training how to be a scout elf at someone else's house next year, so we should say goodbye to her. They thanked us for helping to take care of her, but Beyoyo pointed out we didn't actually do anything because her elf parents did all the work. Goodbye, Peppermint!


Because we had to say goodbye to Peppermint, Santa left each of the boys a little Peppermint-sized elf keychain in their stockings so we can remember her always. 

BeYoYo is five

     BeYoYo turned five last month. It's not that I forgot about it, it's just that he refused to answer the annual birthday questions, so I secretly spread out my interview over the last month so he didn't catch on to what I was doing. 

     He is the most laid back person in our house. He's go with the flow, will eat almost anything, tolerates his brother's antics well, and largely loves life. When he was younger he'd ask for a drink of water, and when you'd give it to him he'd say "hooray!" One day this summer he asked for instant mac and cheese and watermelon for lunch. When I presented it to him on a paper plate he said "it's like I'm the king!" Oh, to be that content. Of course he's not happy all the time- when he's pushed to the limit everyone knows it. He becomes the Hulk, and his piercing eyes cut like a knife. 

He is also tender hearted. He used to have a picture in his room of me holding him as an infant. It was the hospital newborn photograph, and he's just lying in my arms. We eventually had to take it out, because sometimes when he was really tired it would make him cry. When I asked him why it made him cry, he would sob "because that was so long ago and I'm never going to be a baby again." Last year I was telling him that my mom made the quilt in his room just for him out of fabric from my grandparents' shirts and if he wraps up in it it's like his whole family is hugging him. He burst into tears. I thought maybe he was sad that he never met his great-grandparents, but he said "mama, that was just so great I had to cry." 

     BeYoYo is an animal lover. Horses are his favorites, but he can't pass a dog without greeting it. He'll settle for a cat or a hamster or a lizard if there's nothing else. He also loves babies, but especially "no teeth babies", which I think means little infants he can hold. On Easter he held a baby cousin and sang her a lullaby and she fell asleep. It might be his greatest accomplishment. 

 He got a big stuffed horse for his birthday.

If you bring your dog to the park, this is the child who will entertain it, whether you wanted it entertained or not. 

At a birthday party BeYoYo was asked if he wanted to be a cat or a dog at the face painting station. He said he'd actually like to be a flying squirrel, with wings down his arms, please. 

He loves to lasso, and practices regularly his skills of lassoing nothing. 

For his birthday party he said he wanted a "bunny ninja" party. Several parents asked "what is bunny ninja? I'm not familiar with that." That's because it's not a thing. He likes bunnies and ninjas and thought they should pair well together. Challenge accepted. 

He has the best smile. When he really gets to laughing about something it's contagious. 

Happy birthday to our sweet, fun-loving, happy boy. I'm so glad God added you to our family.

How old are you? 

Five

What’s your favorite thing to do? 

watch tv all morning and all day and all night

What do you want to be when you grow up? 

an astronaut and a worker and a dog catcher and a teacher and a dentist

What’s your favorite food? 

cheese dip

What’s something you’re good at? 

sharing and cleaning up

What makes you laugh? 

butthead

What’s something scary?

climbing to a really really really high height

Who’s your best friend? 

Reece and Rennah and everyone

What do you like to do with your family? 

Play with Prissy. No, snuggle together. 

Where do you like to go? 

Six Flags

What do you like to learn about? 

dinosaurs